From the Start (Reiner Braun X Reader)

Prologue

Throughout the years and your time as a scout, things were much different than how you imagined them as a child. Things were much easier when the purpose of the Scout Regiment was primarily to secure safe zones outside of Wall Maria. You, along with your friends in the 104th, had originally had so much hope for the near future of your small world.

In the scouts, you worked alongside some of the most powerful people of your generation and the one above you. Working with people like Erwin Smith and Levi was a privilege you barely had time to truly acknowledge.

Darkness lurked around every corner. Death loomed upon each and every last greenhorn and veteran alike. Things proved to be difficult no matter the situation, though your friends stood their ground and relentlessly prevailed.

However, the real problems began to reveal themselves when the group found out that Eren could turn into a titan.

And then, so could Annie.

And so could Ymir.

And so could Bertholdt.

Reiner's reveal was almost natural at that point.

In later years, even Armin found himself a victim of the curse.

The world got so much bigger after that. Losing people you loved and cared about happened more frequently. The loss of your commander, Sasha's death, Eren's betrayal, the Jaegerists, befriending past frenemies, losing Hange, Mikasa's realization, which was soon followed up by Eren's death. History was made. Time and time again, you and your friends seemed to almost write out the past with your own hands.

After years of fighting, the dust had finally settled. The world was clear enough for everyone to see the end of the horizon. No looming darkness. The only death that hung above the heads of your comrades was that of old age. A blissful thing, you remember thinking at some point, to grow old and die because you simply cannot age any more. Peaceful.

You found yourself living in Marley once it was built from the ground up. You had decided to move away from Paradis permanently. Many of your friends stayed on the island, opting to grow a family in the only place they knew. You agreed with their decision and promised to write and visit, as did they. Though, a part of you found yourself never wanting to return to the island. Eren had said it perfectly when the two of you had first met in training. Cattle, you were. Nothing but livestock. Moving back into such a place after having fought to get out of it for so long felt like a slap in the face to all your past struggles.

Besides, you enjoyed Marley. People here were desperate for work, desperate for workers, and the community felt stronger than it ever had. All sorts of bad blood had almost vanished in a few years. You helped your own case by assisting the people of Marley in almost any way possible. Charities, working for nothing but a few meals a day, helping farmers, construction work, giving gifts to your soon-to-be neighbors, and always volunteering to do the dirty work when someone simply did not want to do it.

Five years had passed since Eren's death. You had a home in Marley, and you lived in a neighborhood that adored you. You had a job, friends, and hobbies. You hosted holidays at your home, welcoming old friends, along with newly acquired ones. You loved it here. You loved your life here.

But a problem crept up. And it was creeping in on you quickly.

Despite being busy and always having something to do, despite having dozens of friends to spend time with, despite the hobbies you have grown to love, despite the skills you have learned over the years; you were always alone.

An empty home at the end of the day left your chest aching.

An empty house made your heart hurt. This was no home. Just where you lived.

No place ever truly felt like home.

It has been like that your whole life. Living in the walls, you felt as though you never had enough room to breathe. Your family lived within the boundary of Wall Maria, but even that felt so small. Compared to what you know now, it was small. There, you had a family and a house in which you lived. But it did not feel like a home. It was that feeling that pushed you to want to be a scout. You wanted to find a home, to find a place where you can actually live, rather than simply reside.

On this particular morning, you had to run a few errands by the end of the day. You were thankful for those tasks, as they kept your mind occupied and your body moving. A grocery run was necessary, as was a deep clean of your bathroom and kitchen. You were to also drop off a letter into your own mailbox to send out to Paradis. It was a letter for Armin and Annie, congratulating them on their engagement. They lived here in Marley, but had gone away for a month to enjoy themselves and to get away from work.

Your legs mindlessly carried you out the door and down the small path that leads up to the road from your porch. The delivery was no difficult task. Before retreating behind your front door yet again, you gathered up the mail that had been for you.

It was typical mail. A newspaper, an event reminder, a donation request for a local business that had been deeply impacted by the Rumbling, and a letter.

The letter had your name written on it, but nothing else. No return address, not your address, just your name. Your eyebrows dropped, knotting quizzically as you slide your thumb through the top of the white paper. Once you pull it out, you read it to yourself.

[F/N],

Long time no talk, huh? It's definitely been awhile since I've seen you, despite you still living here in Marley. Don't be such a stranger, yeah?

Anyways, I'm writing to you to offer you a formal apology. This is long overdue, I'm aware, but I feel as if it's necessary to move forward with myself. All those years ago, we were comrades. We fought alongside each other, had each other's backs, as did everyone else. Being the armored titan back then, though, really screwed up the comradery.

I am so sorry. To you, to your friends, to your family. After Eren died and everything seemed to go back to normal, you seemed so much more distant than everyone else. I understood, and until now, I never wanted to question it. You had your right to be cold to me. So many of you were, and I understand.

However, I would like to make amends. Tonight, by the pier, there's a lantern event being held. I would like to talk to you in person, if you would be comfortable meeting me there. The event starts at 9PM.

– Reiner Braun