𝖳𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾 𝖮𝖿 𝖧𝖾𝖺𝗏𝖾𝗇 | 𝖪𝖳𝖧 |

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚎 🥀

"You do not have to walk me in, Alessandro." I said, as he took my hand once we were out of the car. "I do." He answered firmly, and the people walking into the church alongside us were already looking. "The church notices everything." I said quietly, but he chuckled and it made me look up at him. "And we are not hiding anything from them, my love." These nicknames... As we walked in, I kept my head down, I did not want to see if Father Kim was at alter, and if possible, during my ceremony, utter as less of words.

"I'll pick you up from your house in the evening." Alessandro said, turning his body and suddenly dipping his head. His arm came around me and his large hand pressed on the back of my head as he kissed my forehead. I felt the wetness of his inner lips linger before he pulled away, straightening his posture. My lips parted, but my mouth was my own Judas. I could not speak. "You're here before us!" I heard my mother's voice, and we turned our heads to the entrance. Enzo wasn't with them.

I stepped away from Alessandro as he shook my fathers hand. "Will you be joining us?" She asked him, "No, he won't be." I said, before he could speak, and his eyes met mine, "Not today, but one day for sure." He said, taking my mother's hands. "I must be off before I run late." He smiled, and my father parted his back, "A busy man, just like your father."

My mother, however, suddenly took my arm and began walking me to the alter. "Mother, what are you doing!" I harshly whispered. I could feel my heart already thumping against my rib cage, hard enough to possibly bruise me from the inside, is what it felt like. My mouth had lost all of its moisture and there was this sickly feeling within my womb. My mother, on the other hand, was utterly confused as to why I was "overreacting." 

"We must greet father Kim before the ceremony, Alora." She said, and I forced myself to swallow the absurd words that were fighting to leave my lips. "I'm going to be sick." I murmured, "Hold yourself the together." She said, her demeanour changing as her eyes fell on father. "Father Kim." She greeted him, and his dark brows eyes lifted from the bible. I warned my mother I was going to be sick. My lower region also felt uncomfortably heavy, as if I was carrying a baby in my womb.

"Mother, please.." I moaned, holding onto her arm whilst my other cupped my stomach. "Alora-"

"Is she unwell?" I heard his voice, and the sound of his shoes clicking on the marble as he came closer to us. To me.

"No, no, she is absolutely fine!" My mother quickly said from beside me, and I raised my head for our eyes to meet. I thought that when I'd look at him again, I'd feel overwhelmed with all of this built up humiliation and guilt, but now that I am looking at him, and he is looking at me, I felt none of that. It was the way his concerned eyes searched mine to see if I was truly alright that made me feel otherwise. Perhaps he had forgotten my confession, and that it had been buried beneath all of the other confessions he was fed.

"See, she is well." My mother repeated, and I broke away from his gaze.
_______

I stood over the baptismal water as Father Kim held my forearms. He must've felt me shuddering as he asked me again, "Are you alright?" his voice was quiet so that his words were only for my ears. I did not reply and only glanced at him for a mere second. "The child, I baptise you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." his raised voice, loud enough for the church to hear caught me off guard and I closed my eyes. I then felt his fingers on my chest and my eyes opened, "We anoint you with the oil of salvation in the name of Christ our Saviour; may he strengthen you with his power, who lives and reigns for ever and ever." he projects his voice loud and clear, all whilst keeping his eyes on me. His fingers rubbed the oil on my skin whilst the church repeated, "Amen."

"My dear friends, God uses the sacrament of water to give his divine life to those who believe in him. Let us turn to him, and ask him to pour his gift of life from this font on Alora, who he has chosen. Father, God of mercy, through these waters of baptism you have filled us with new life as your very own children." After him, the church again repeated, "Blessed be God." The blessings continued until I felt him slowly lower me into the water. I closed my eyes when I felt the cold water run through the gaps of my clothes making the silk material heavy on me and stick to my skin like another layer. I held my breath, and the only thing keeping me calm was his hands still holding me.

However, when I was pulled out and parted my lips for air, my eyes opened, but they didn't meet his. The church were still repeating their prayers but his eyes were glued to my legs. It wasn't until he aggressively began to take off his cloak that I followed his gaze. My heart dropped. "No one has seen you." he said. There was blood..everywhere. The water which was meant to holy had been stained with red droplets leaking from my dress that then spread like ink, changing the colour of the liquid. And my dress, it was a murder scene. His cloak came over me and before he could utter another word I ran into the sacristy, tears running down my cheeks.

I became a mess once I was alone. His cloak had fallen from my shoulders and I pulled up my dress to my waist as I sat on the bench. Out of all of the days.. it just to be today. My chest began to hurt from the sobs I was letting out as I tried to rub away the drying blood from my thighs. What was worse was that he saw everything. He saw me like this...The door suddenly opened and I looked up to see father Kim. His eyes instantly fell between my bare legs and I pushed down my dress. He said my name and roughly pulled out a cloth which was laying  between a couple of old books before approaching me in a rather fast manner. He knelt at my legs, his eyes studying the blood. I noticed his fingers clenching the cloth before I said, "Please, do not stare at me like this." but he answered, "It is natural." and raised his hand to clean away the blood. I flinched before he could touch me.

"Lift your dress." he said, in a demandingly manner, in response to my flinch. "I-I am capable of cleaning my self-"

"Lift your dress, Alora." he repeated, this time firmly. His hands held both my knees and separated them. My heart beat accelerated as I pulled up my dress and his eyes darkened. My lips parted, "You..you are getting blood on your fingers.." I whispered, but he only ran them further up my bare thighs. He did not look down once, however, he kept his eyes on mine. "You came in with a boy." he said, and I was filled with confusion till I pictured Alessandro. "His name is Alessandro." I answered quietly, "I know his name." he said, back. "What is his business with you?" he then proceeded to ask, and my brows pulled together, "You are too young for him." he adds, before I could even say a word.

"Far too young for a man like that." he repeats, expect in a much lower tone. He then raised himself on his knees, making himself taller than myself sat, and I gasped when he lowered his face to mine. His lips were parted and I could feel his breath on my cheekbone. "Oh, Alora...what a mess you are." he whispered, running his hand deeper between my thighs. Our foreheads pressed together and I closed my eyes when I felt him there... when I felt his fingers press on my underwear. "Father..." I warned, fighting back the urge to moan if he moved his fingers any more. He mustn't...

My fingers squeezed his shirt and I could almost taste his mouth on my own -until he pulled himself away, taking the hem of my dress with him.

My legs were now covered again and it was as if he knew that my mother was coming because only a few seconds after she entered with a drained face. My eyes stayed on him when he moved his blood stained hands to his behind his back, holding them there.

"Who could've known!" my mother gasped, trying to hide me from his eyes.

"You may take her out from the back of the church." He said, walking over to where his cloak had fallen from my shoulders. We watched him lift it from the ground and return it to me, "Thank you, Father, thank you.." my mother repeated, as she tightly wrapped me up in it. I nuzzled my nose in it. It smelt like him...

"But the church-"

"Will understand." He cut off my mother, "Her baptism was already completed, take some rest now." He said, his eyes flickering to mine but I instantly averted my gaze.