Wounds and Sunflowers

Chapter 4

"You're smoking pala."

Lumingon siya saakin while I opened the hatchback of his car and put my two luggage there as if I own it, pagkatapos ay ibinalibag ko ito pasara. Rinig ko naman ang pagsinghal niya.

I looked at him as I walked. He, on the other hand, smirked at me and dropped the filter of his cigarette and stepped on it.

"Once in a blue moon lang." Sabi niya pagkatapos noon. I frowned.

"Bakit?" Pero hindi niya sinagot.

Sumandal siya sa hood ng kanyang kotse at tinitigan ako, there was something in appeared in his eyes for a milisecond, I couldn't decipher what it was kasi agad ring nawala, then he looked away and his face kinda reddened.

Tinignan ko naman ang sarili ko at napataas ang kilay ko.

Nakasuot lang kasi ako ng white maong shorts na sobrang ikli, kaunti nalang ay makikita na kaluluwa ko at white oversized t-shirt at flipflops.

Nagmamadali kasi ako kaya iyon nalang ang nasuot ko. Ayoko namang paghintayin siya nang matagal dahil nakakahiya naman. May hiya pa naman ako ano.

"Hoy, bakit ka namumula diyan!? Pinagpapantasyahan mo ako, ano!?"

Nilapitan ko siya at hinawakan ng mahigpit ang damit niya. Umiwas naman siya ng tingin kaya guilty siya! Aba!

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at akmang sasapakin na pero napatigil ako nang maamoy ko siya. Amoy alak at sigarilyo.

"What the?! Ang aga-aga, uminom ka agad ng alak?!"

"Konti lang naman." Sabi niya at tinignan ako sa mata.

"Bakit ka ba uminom, at bakit ka nagsigarilyo?"

"Trip ko lang," Sagot niya at umiwas ng tingin. Tinaasan ko naman siya ng kilay.

"Bakit nga? Sige, 'di ako sasama sa'yo 'pag di mo sinabi."

"Edi 'wag, kaya ko naman pumunta mag-isa."

Napabuntong hinga ako at binitiwan siya.

"Fine,'di na ako sasama." Nauumay na sambit ko at tinalikuran siya pero nakakadalawang hakbang pa lang ako nang magsalita siya.

"I'm frustrated, that's why."

"About what?" I asked but I remained where I was. I didn't take a glance of him but I could feel his deep gaze. I could strongly feel it.

"It's been a year since my ex cheated on me but still, the pain is here. I thought I was fine pero biglang bumalik lahat ngayon, and I'm so frustrated about it. Hindi ko alam kung nasasaktan pa rin ako dahil sa ginawa niya o nasasaktan ako dahil sa "what could've beens" at "what ifs"."

I didn't utter a word, I just let him express what he's feeling. I just listened, not because I have nothing to say but because I know it's what he needs for the mean time.

"I'm still stuck in the past. Hindi ko makayang mag let go." Narinig ko siyang tumawa ng mahina. "Tanga na ba ako kung hanggang ngayon hinihintay ko siyang bumalik? At umaasa akong kakausapin niya ako ulit at sabihing nagbago na siya at pinagsisihan ang ginawa niya?"

He let out a shaky breath, so I faced him. A tear escaped from his eyes. "Hindi ko siya kayang i-let go ." he whispered.

Nilapitan ko siya at niyakap. Tinapik-tapik ko ang likod niya. Then I spoke, "It's not her who you're afraid to let go of, it's your memories with her and the scenarios that you're creating, which will never be a reality."

"Nahihirapan kang kalimutan ang past dahil umaasa ka pa rin, umaasa kang maitatama niyo pa ang mga pagkakamali but in reality, it will never happen, Lairon."