Sweet Innocence and Gentle Sin || 𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐑

Chapter 29: Hypocrites

My tongue's forgotten how to shape your name, the way it sounds.

~(Present)~

I threw back the fabric and stalked into the war tent. The table had maps strewn across it and books stacked, and the chairs were a mess, showing that a meeting had just finished. Wax pooled and dripped off the table onto the grass, creating stalactites of pale color coming from drooping piles of suffocating flame.

Miryam sat beside and draped her arms over Jurian's shoulders while he read a roll of parchment. I walked in and kicked a chair leg in my haste, causing a bang that had both their heads snap up.

"You look like you need a drink," Miryam joked, trying to gauge the situation.

"Yes, that would be much appreciated after the shit I just went through," I said, crossing my arms.

Jurian looked me over and scrunched his nose. "Did you roll in the mud? Is... is that a bunch of leaves in your hair?"

I lifted my hand to my hair and pulled out a stray leaf. Great, I probably looked like a wreck. I huffed in frustration and shook out my hair. "Did you know?" I demanded.

"Know what?" he asked back, discarding the paper he was reading. Well, it wasn't that important.

I stared at him for a moment and saw the worry on his face. I hated that he worried about me. He put it on himself when he didn't need to, and I let him. I decided he didn't know. If he did, he wouldn't need further explanation. So I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I exhaled, letting the pent-up anger subside. If anything, I needed to be calm and collected right now.

Jurian sat up and gave his famous worried look. It wasn't often my anger was palpable, and that made him suspicious. "What is it?"

"I—just..." I didn't know what to say. My head was reeling with the memory of what happened. It wasn't a dream or hallucination because I could sense his offputting heartbeat searching through the camp for me. Like a hound tracking a fox in the woods, and it made me shiver.

"If Cassian's being an ass again, I'll gladly be the one to knock him upside the head this time," Miryam said, still attempting humor.

Jurian was convinced something was wrong. He stood and stepped closer to me, putting his hands on my shoulders in that comforting way he always did. It was the only thing that brought me back to the moment, the only thing that closed my mind off. Like walls barricading me in, though I wasn't afraid. It was an anchor reminding me I had an outlet, forcing me to use it. Sometimes I needed that push.

"I saw him," I whispered.

"Who?" Miryam asked, now standing beside Jurian.

"He's... he's here," I said, this time louder. I don't know why I couldn't say his name. Those letters, that sound, it just couldn't form. Like I forgot his name entirely. Or it was a curse to speak that would bind me to him all over again.

Jurian's face contorted in a mix of emotions before landing on a familiar glare of fury. He usually adopted that look when a soldier did something so stupid it was beyond saving.

"Where?" the human asked, a bite to his voice that told of danger to anyone in his path.

I led the two outside and pointed to the small crowd of winged males. "Over there somewhere."

I could hear his heartbeat more now. It was a suffocating feeling in my chest. I never just heard his heartbeat—I felt it. Overlain atop mine, somehow syncing, so I can't tell which is which. It was violating, burning a fire that I couldn't control.