'Gotta Catch 'Em All

Chapter 5

A/N: in case it's unclear, i want to express from the bottom of my heart how much i love gay sex

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WELCOME TO THE CUM ZONE. ONLY CUM INSIDE ANIME GIRLS.

Just as they have with every other problem in this godforsaken series, the issues that haunted our protagonist led to the entrance to Gojo's attic. Loud, muffled nightcore music nearly shook the door off its hinges.

"Hey guys!" Greeted Satoru McFreaking Gojo as he swung open the door, caressing the doorknob. "I'm so glad you came! I love being a little hoe for audience retention!"

Deku, Bakugo, and Todoroki followed Gojo as he ascended the stairs. At the top sat a small table with complimentary 'sugar' packets. Bakugo pocketed a few of them.

"So, what brings you lovely people here in your very kawaii school uniforms?" He asked.

Midoriya sucked in his lips, fidgeting a little. For some reason, he never seemed to grow accustomed to the white-haired sorcerer.

"Well, you see... someone broke into our gay trap house today trying to kill Bakugo-chan. His identity is supposed to be a secret, so she has to have some kind of... connection to know his address. And since you said you knew all government secrets.. I, uh, figured you might be able to help...." he trailed off.

Gojo hummed in consideration.

"It is very possible that I may be able to assist you." The sex god considered (he only did this to build suspense). He turned off his slowed + reverb xxxtentacion guitar remix and held up a screen recording of sped up subway surfers gameplay.

"Ok my little sugar sprouts, I'll spill the tea." He sipped from his pink pastel hydro flask (it was filled with zero sugar gatorade and fentanyl because the grindset never ends). "Turns out when you guys blew up Building 7 - and by extension, Shaggy- his friend Velma got a little... yandere."

"Oh crackerbarrel." Said Todoroki.

"So," Gojo continued. "Velma-welma is a little torn up about the whole deal, so she asked the government who was responsible. She really shouldn't have made a big deal out of it since he woulda OD'd off of percocets anyways. At least that's what I heard from my dealers.... he was lowkey a fiend... Well, to each their own!" He shrugged before downing a fifth of vodka. "Anywhosamawhatsits, the ol' gubby-wubbies had no clue. They didn't even know that Goku and Vegeta started the whole mess with the towers... they really need to read the manga."

"Satoru!" Bakugo interjected, annoyed. "If the government didn't tell that bitch who I was, then how the fuck did she find out where I live!??"

"Come on man, can't a guy stall for a lil screen time?" Gojo pouted.

"Bitch you ain't the main character. Not in your own anime, and certainly not here." Bakugo was reaching the end of his rope, and that made things very frustrating in the shibari tie that acted as a metaphor for his life.

"Sheesh, fineeeeeeee." Said Gojo. "TLDR, Velma ended up going to the shadow government... yk the people who actually know the shit that goes on up in this bitch. So now the shadow government leader just doxxed you on 4chan, big loser move imo. So like besties the underground feds are after you, eeyyyoure done."

Midoriya was shocked. This was a shocking discovery. Who knew the actions of his and Bakugo's past would have future consequences?

"Anyways sweetheart," Gojo turned to Bakugo. "Enjoy your lovely male twink omegaverse yaoi sex while it lasts, because if there's any mystery Velma's going to solve, it will be this one."