Visionaries

one

// ONE //

It's funny how your future is one thing.
Planned, organized, and focused.
However, in an instant, it can become something completely different. Chaotic, shambolic and blurry.

Often, I find myself wondering how these impossible-to-live-without and carved-the-meaning-of-Earth moments of life are always the ones that pass by unnoticed because of the length.
Erosion, photosynthesis, aging, growth, evolution.

I associate it with the fact that sudden means intense and that's why the things that change our lives are the things that hit us the hardest. Because, in a way, everything else and anything that needs time, is part of the cycle of life and whether you know if it exists or not, it's there and it's giving you life.

Sudden is throw-your-life-away change.

Time is continuity or unnoticed change.

As I am tumbling down the oh-so sacred road to adulthood, I realize, or rather confirm to myself, that once I am of age, everything doesn't just magically make sense.

De facto, nothing makes any sense.

Life is a confusing path that leads to a flaming pit in which I need to crawl in and live in until I have enough burns to show the world, and I, that I have survived. Once I did that, I walk out to a frozen land and an eternal winter where my burns will freeze instantly.

But so will my fingers. My recovery will pain me where I wasn't already hurt.

I will survive catastrophic wind and snow storms to realize that all of this is caused by me. By my idiocy, gullibility and insecurity, I will see that this hell isn't given to me, but created and I will remind myself why the fucking hell hurricanes are named after people.

I am not a Michelle or a Marilyn that had struck in 1995 and 2001. Nor will I ever be.

I am a May that struck Earth in 1997 and I didn't shake the ground enough or make anything turn into rubble. No.

Instead, I crashed into the lives of two people desperately in love and showed them what sacrifice really meant.

I grew up to be a stressed out maniac and to be a complete control freak.

I became passionate about freedom, its history and the artistic way to express it.

Instead, I decided to send a message and shake the ground ignorance lives on and to make everyone wake up and turn negativity into rubble.

"Your ticket, ma'am?" A man by the name of 'Oliver', it seems, says waking me up from my daze.

I give my train ticket to the man who is perfectly bilingual with his excellent English. He wears a burgundy suit and his blonde hair to the left. He rips the ticket down the middle, only halfway. He sends me a smile before placing the ticket in the palm of my hand again. I ready myself for the 5 and a half hour trip and make myself comfortable to regain the sleep I lost.

Waking up at 4 AM to take a train at 5 only to get to destination at around 11 to then take a two hour train again is no piece of cake.

I keep my eye on the mountains falling behind the Glacier Express and I recollect my past in order to understand the future I am throwing myself in.

All that crap about the past being the past and that it's all behind you now is just that, crap. Your past might not make your future, but it makes you.

Your past pushes you, breaks you or consumes you. It doesn't have to be tragic to mean something and a tragic past doesn't guarantee a miserable future, but a strong person.