Making It Out Alive~JUST UPDATED

Flashbacks from the Past

Quick Author's Note: Hey, guys! I know I haven't updated in a long while, and I'm not sure if anybody reads this story anymore, but... I just wrote this chapter today. It took me FOUR hours 'cause I really wanted to give this chapter depth and let you all into Cracker's life and her experiences more. I've added a video link above to Sia's "Breath Me", and I feel you guys should listen to it (probably play it very softly in the background) while you read the chapter. Anyhow, enjoy! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't be afraid to vote, favorite, or comment on this story... Last thing, I promise, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE BOLD/ITALICIZE BUTTON!?! Alright, enjoy! :)

Last night had been AWESOME: just Tom, my mom, and me sitting around the dinner table eating the filets, soups, and pies my mom had prepared. I think it was one of the first times in two years when my dad had left us that we were truly unified and happy. 

Yep, that's the first time I've thought about him and thinking about him still fills me with sorrow and regret--regret that I hadn't been able to stop it...

I had been at school at the time, and I remember a somber voice on the intercom telling me to come to the office. As I was walking there, the only thing going through my mind had been, "Oh god", like I just had this gut feeling something was terribly wrong. It was probably the turning point of my life when the principal sat me down and looked at me with a pitiful expression. He'd said softly, taking one of my hands in his, "I'm sorry, but your father has been involved in a fatal car accident on Highway 41." I'd turned speechless, staring at him with horrified eyes the size of saucers. The principal hesitated only momentarily before continuing, "He's in the hospital right now, and the authorities still aren't sure if he'll survive the impact or not."  I don't know why--maybe because of the shock and sheer awfulness of the whole situation--but at that moment in time my body started shaking and twitching involuntarily. The principal saw me shaking and twitching, and his eyes suddenly filled with pity and uncertainty of whether to continue. He must have thought to just send me home so I could be alone. 

Walking home, the sky had been dusted with gray clouds that perfectly described my gloomy mood. It had been eerily quiet as I stood on my front porch, almost like the silence before a large, chaotic tornado. I walked further into the house anyways: up the stairs, past my parent's and Tom's bedroom, which were as equally quiet and depressing as the rest of the house, and finally into my familiar room. There, I laid on my bed, curled up in the fetal position, and started staring blankly at my wall. 'What the hell was happening? Was my dad ok? Where did my mom and Tom go?' I thought to myself in the solitude.

Four hours later, I heard the front door click open. Heart wrenching weeps filled the entrance, and I just knew then and there, it was all over...

Everything was confirmed when my brother, his eyes sunken in, trailed behind my grieving mom, looked me in the eyes, and whispered hopelessly, "He's gone."

I learned the next day there'd been a drunk truck driver: Dernell Burgosen. He'd gone to a bar a couple minutes prior and had one too many beers--to the point he became so intoxicated his coordination and logic was a tangle of already wound up knots. My dad was heading out to work at the startup software company he and his friend, Kent, had built recently. He was late that day, so he decided to take a new route, one that just so happened to pass through Highway 41. 

The truck had been barreling out of control, without a real driver, just the skeleton of a person that had drunk too many beers. It was swerving from lane to lane, making wild zig zags. My dad had looked up too late; he hadn't had enough time to react. If he'd had just one more SECOND to react, then maybe things would have turned out differently...Maybe he would have been able to celebrate his 50th birthday, the monumental birthday that marks the midpoint of your life and all achievements up to that point.

The collision had been brutal...My dad's car had been crushed to an unrecognizable thinness, and there'd been SO much blood. The police reminisced that there was blood everywhere: on the steering wheel, window shields, trunk, EVERYWHERE. Some had even seeped into the cushioned seats. I still cringe every time I hear the news reports. It really WAS just awful.

In addition, there was the aftermath. 

Tom and I eventually had to go back to school on Monday. I remember walking through the halls with him, everybody's eyes boring holes through the back of our heads. There were audible gasps. A group of girls was gossiping about the 'incident' next to one of their lockers. I know 'cause I heard one of them exclaim, "Did you see the news!?! There was so much blood..."and another respond, "Must suck to not have a dad anymore." I even got the attention of Perry and her groupies... Perry had been looking at me with pity and sympathy, if only for a short moment before they returned to utter disgust. 

Thinking about what had transpired that fateful Tuesday last week, I'd felt tears surface. 

At the sight of tears, Perry snickered rudely to her groupies, "What a baby." She fisted her hands and rotated them in front of her eyes to mimic the action of crying. She continued to ramble, "When my poodle, Princess, died last year, I didn't cry. God, it was like the worst thing EVER, but I like still didn't break out into tears like that ba--" 

"Perry, just shut up," Tom had seethed. "I hope one day you'll learn how to stop being such a b*tch."

I had managed to shove the tears back into my eye sockets, as Tom was calling Perry out on her b*tchiness, and glared hatefully at her. How dare her!?! Could she not feel an ounce of pity for anyone but herself!?! My goodness, she was so self absorbed. And to think, I used to consider her my best friend...

Perry had stared back speechless. Her mouth was wide open in shock, and her eyes had begun to fill with regret. 'Too late', I had thought.

Then, we had walked past Perry and her groupies, and Tom eventually had to leave me to get to his first period classroom. He had squeezed my shoulder affectionately and given me a reassuring glance, and I'd returned the gesture too before he had left me alone. 

When I had gotten inside the classroom, there were still shell shocked stares and hushed murmurs of disbelief. Danon had stood up from her desk and rushed to my side to give me a long, warm hug. 

She had whispered in my ear, "Everything's going to be just fine."

All I had been able to muster was a tight lipped smile. Inwardly, I had been so happy to have such an incredible friend, a friend that showered me with support in my darkest times.

For the remainder of the day, I hung out with Danon and Tom. Tom had left all his jock friends to be with me and share my grief, so that we could revel in one another's strength--only it was more Tom's strength than mine. The only person I really worried about now was my mom... She had been married to my dad for over 20 wonderful years. They'd treasured every experience they'd ever shared TOGETHER, and through thick and thin, they'd struggled TOGETHER. My dad was--or had been-- in short the love of my mother's life. I could only think of the trauma she was experiencing right now... 

Every night that year, she'd go to bed, and I'd hear her shushed wails. Thank god she had eventually been able to move past the tragedy and envelop herself in work, raising us, and keeping orderliness in the home. This year, she'd also taken up yoga, something that I've found really helps her de-stress and keep in the present.

Overall, my dad's accident had felt so surreal, like maybe I would wake up from a reverie and find him by my side, embarrassing the hell out of me like all dads do to their daughters. Except, I never did wake up from the reverie. Instead, I, like the rest of my family, moved past it to open up many new doors. Truthfully, right now, I think I am the happiest I have ever been. I'm healthy, Mom's doing great, Tom's back from Afghanistan, and of course...I have the great honor to make Ms. Kamon's dreams--albeit very strange dreams--come true.