My Best friend?

Chapter 13

Song- Dopamine by Jackson Wang

Soyoung's POV

Reagan and I started hanging out again these past few weeks. It has been a bit difficult hanging out with Reagan and Jiyoon since Reagan is still avoiding Jiyoon. I developed a system where I hang out with Jiyoon anytime Reagan is busy and vice versa if Reagan is not too busy. Today was Reagan's day since Jiyoon was hanging out with Stephanie. As I sat across from Reagan, laughing at one of her jokes, I couldn't help but feel a wave of emotions washing over me. Those feelings had never truly gone away I just didn't want to make things awkward between us.

We had been spending more time together lately, and with each passing day, my feelings for her seemed to grow stronger. I really did try to suppress these feelings, burying them deep within me, but the more time I spent with her, the harder it became to ignore them. Her infectious laughter, her genuine kindness, and the way she looked at me with those mesmerizing eyes all made it impossible to deny the attraction I felt towards her.

However, the reality of our situation weighed heavily on my mind. My dad's conservative views, the fact our relationship before didn't work – they all seemed to scream at me that what I was feeling was wrong. But deep within I knew I was still very much in love with her.

And so, I made a decision – I needed to distance myself from her. It was the only way I could hope to suppress these feelings, to protect myself from the inevitable heartache that would surely follow if I pursued this relationship again.

So, when she sent me a text after she left, I ignored it, and it went on like that for a few days. I started making excuses to avoid spending time with her, pretending to be busy with projects and assignments as well as hanging out with Jiyoon more than I did before. It pained me to do so, to push away someone who had become such an important part of my life, but I knew it was for the best.

Yet, no matter how hard I tried to distance myself from Reagan, she always seemed to find a way back into my thoughts. Her laughter echoed in my mind, her smile haunted my dreams, and the warmth of her touch lingered on my skin long after she was gone.

I tried to bury myself in my studies, throwing myself into my coursework with a renewed sense of determination. But even as I poured over textbooks and lectures. Reagan's presence lingered in the back of my mind, a constant reminder of the feelings I was trying so desperately to suppress.

One evening, as I was studying in my room, there was a knock on the door. I felt a mix of apprehension and relief. I knew it was Reagan standing on the other side, and a part of me was relieved that she had finally come to confront me about my recent behavior. But another part of me was anxious about what her visit might entail.

"Hey, can I come in?" Reagan's voice called from outside.

I hesitated for a moment, then opened the door. Reagan entered, and I could see the concern in her eyes as she looked at me. I tried to put on a brave face, but I knew she could see right through me.

" I've been trying to reach out to you, but you've been avoiding me," Reagan said, her voice gentle but firm. "Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?"

I sighed, feeling a knot form in my stomach. "No, Reagan, it's not you. I've just been going through some stuff."

She frowned, clearly not satisfied with my answer. "What kind of stuff? You can talk to me, you know. We might not be the bestest of friends but I think we're pretty close, I'm always here." Her soft eyes staring at me as she stepped closer to me.

My breath hitched and I bit my lip, unsure of how much to reveal. "Look it really isn't you." I said trying to sound as convincing as I could. "I've just been thinking a lot about everything that's happened and needed some space. You don't have to worry too much about me though, I...I have been spending a lot of time Jiyoon; She's been taking care of me."

Reagan's expression changed, and I noticed something I had never seen before. I could see the Jealousy flicker in her eyes. "Are you and Jiyoon dating? Is that why you're avoiding me?" she asked, her voice a mix of curiosity and concern.

My eyes widened and I shook my head quickly. "No, no, nothing like that. Jiyoon and I are just very friendly, and she's like a bigger sister to me now that we've taken the time to bond."

Reagan nodded, but I could tell she was still processing. There was a tense silence between us, and I knew I had to address the real reason why I had been avoiding her.

"I...I've been feeling a bit jealous, to be honest," Reagan suddenly admitted, her voice soft. "I see how close you and Jiyoon are, and I can't help but wonder what happened to us. If...if you're still mad about what I did that night, or if you're just mad at me for some other reason."

I felt a pang of guilt at Reagan's words. She'd been trying to fix our friendship but all I kept doing was pushing her away. "Reagan, no, I'm not mad at you," I said trying to reassure her. "It's just...I've been trying to sort out my feelings, and I didn't want to make things awkward between us." I blurted before I realized what I had said but luckily for me she didn't get what I meant.

Reagan's expression softened, and I could see the relief in her eyes. "So...so we're, okay? You're not avoiding me because of something I did?"

I shook my head, a small smile tugging at my lips. "No, Reagan, we're okay. I've just been dealing with some personal stuff, but I shouldn't have shut you out. I'm sorry."

Reagan smiled back, and I could see the sincerity in her eyes. "It's okay, Soyoung. I'm just glad we talked about it. And hey, if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here for you."

As Reagan left, I laid on my bed letting the events that just happened replay in my head. Did she just say she was Jealous? And the way she looked at me was different than before. She just keeps making it harder for me to move on.