Into the Flames {Station 19 x you}

fourty-two: state of mind

Heart racing. Mind swirling. My leg bounces up and down rapidly. I stare at the hospital ground. They put all the firefighters from 19 into a waiting room. Amelia and Carina ended up getting paged. They were trying to convince me to get looked at. To help with all the pain I feel flowing through my veins and with each movement I make. My arm. God, my arm is throbbing. I can't move it. It hurts to even touch it, but I'm holding onto it with my other hand like it's helping soothe the pain. Maybe psychologically it is. To me it's helping.

Jack won't stop asking if I need anything. Every 5 minutes hit's;

"Do you need anything?"
"Do you need some water?"
"Some pain medicine?"

He's sweet. Truly. From that and asking if I want to see a doctor. But I told him and them, I'm not seeing anybody, I'm not getting checked until Andy is okay and awake. They finally got her stable. When I saw them shock her I felt sick to my stomach. It's... It's weird seeing her like that. It's something I don't want to see ever again. I don't think I physically can. I won't. Even when I woke up in that place and saw how scared she was but tried to play it off to make me feel okay. We were in a shitty position. I put her in that position. This is my fault and he was right.

"Kid, you look tired," Jack gently whispers. I keep my eyes on the ground. My leg still bouncing. I wince with each one. "Please let Carina look you over. I don't want you to-"

"I can't," I sadly whisper. "I don't deserve it."

"Y/n-"

"Guys," Vic says, cutting Jack off. I pick up my head and see Grey, Bailey, and Amelia standing at the entrance of the waiting room. I stand up hurriedly, wincing in the process. My hand still holding onto my arm for dear life. My eyes look at each one of them. That burning question sits unsettled. That question of is Andy okay? Is she alive?

I clench my jaw and lock eyes with Amelia's. A small smile forced its way to her lips.

"Is she okay?" Bishop asks, holding onto Carina's hand. Carina had been in the waiting room with us. All of us.

"She made it through surgery," Grey said finally. A sigh of relief escapes from everyone. I keep my eyes on Amelia though trying to get a read on her. She wouldn't let me. But I knew she was worried about my injuries. They can't be good but I don't trust anything right now.

"She made it through surgery but?" Jack asks next. I see him out of the corner of my eye, his arms crossed over his chest standing beside me.

"There was few complications," Grey continues. "We managed to get through it though, but the rest is unfortunately up to Andy."

"Wh-What do you mean?" I choke out. My eyes finally moving off of Amelia's and to Meredith. Her eyes meet mine and she too forces a smile when we lock eyes.

"We don't know when she'll wake up."

Silence surrounds the room. I stare dumbfounded at the woman. "She was shot, not anything with the head. Why don't you know when she'll wake up? Will she wake up?"

My words come out fast and unsteady. I barely could understand myself when I spoke. The tears starting to build up again.

"There was trauma to the head," Amelia gently speaks. My eyes flick to her's. "Our theory is the trauma done to Andy's body from the bruising and the swelling along with the gun shot wound, we think her body's reacting differently than normal."