Into the Flames {Station 19 x you}

fourty-nine: talking problems

"No worries!" Caroline says over her shoulder to Andy as we walk into my bedroom. I walk in first and get all the way over to my bed before turning around facing Caroline. The dirty blonde haired girl gets in the room and shuts the door. She turns around swiftly. Our eyes meet and she smiles before dropping her book bag to the ground. It slides off her shoulder and runs over to me. Instantly her arms wrap around my neck and mine sort of drape around her waist. I close my eyes the moment I feel her squeeze me, holding me tightly. Her right hand cupping the back of my neck, making sure I'm close.

"Fuck I've missed you," Caroline whispers into my ear. I keep my eyes close and bite my bottom lip.

    I stay quiet. I open my eyes and we pull apart. I clench my jaw and step backwards until I slowly sit down on the edge of my bed. Caroline's eyes lingering on me. I could feel it, but I also didn't mind it.

    "Care, what are you doing here?" I finally ask, lifting my head from the ground. My eyes lock with Caroline's blue ones. A sadden smile raises on her lips as she shrugs.

     "Andy called me. She thought it'd be a good idea if I came over so we could talk," Caroline responds, standing with her hands cupped in front of her. I look away. My hands reaching down on either side of me, gripping the made bed. My eyes keep focus on the hard wood floors and the black carpet Andy had put in. It's soft. Fluffy. Sometimes I just lay down there on it, placing my hand on it and rubbing back and forth in slow, small movements trying to feel something. It's usually when I'm waiting to go sleep outside Andy's bedroom door.

"Talk about-"

    "Y/n come on. You have been through hell. Literally. I want to be able to help. All of us do," Caroline says easily cutting me off. My eyes fixate on hers and she walks over and sits down on the bed beside me. "You were kidnapped Y/n. You haven't been to school. You won't answer my texts or my calls... Andy mentioned something about you... harming yourself. What's going on? Talk to me." She reaches over and grabs my hand. She squeezes it, I feel the pressure.

"I can't," I whisper and she squeezes my hand again.

"You can't what?" Caroline whispers back.

"Talk about it. I can't talk about any of it when Andy won't even talk about it. She hasn't even acknowledged the fact we were taken. She won't barely even look at me long enough. I can't even talk to Diane about it."

Caroline stays quiet. My eyes drop from her blue ones to our hands. Her finger nails painted black.

"Fine we start off small..." her voice trails and I slowly look back up to her eyes. "Have you told Andy that you know she's your birth mom?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah... Told her when I thought we were going to die." I turn my head and adjust in my seat. I sit up tall, rolling my shoulders. Caroline squeezes my hand yet again before I feel her thumb begin to rub back and forth on the top of my hand.

"So that was probably a big step. How'd she react?"

I shrug. "Surprised I guess."

"Hmm," Caroline hums. "So what's the deal with Jack? Is he your bio dad or?"

I look at Caroline and shake my head. "No, no. Andy didn't know him when she was 15. They met through the fire station when they both became firefighters. I don't know who my bio dad is. I don't think I really want to know."

"Wait what? Why not? Aren't you curious?" The confusion is noticeable in Caroline's voice and the look she gives me. I shrug.

"Not really. I didn't really expect to find my birth mother. For it to be Andy is..." My voice trails remembering back to early in the foster homes where I begged every single night my birth mother would come back to me. Would come get me. Would safe me from the hell I was living. All I had was the bear and the note form her. That's all I had and it got me through the most pain I've ever dealt with. And now to have her physically right here in front of me day after day it's comforting but also terrifying.