Fallen - A Castiel x Reader Fanfic

𝔽𝕚𝕧𝕖

ℂ𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕖𝕝

It isn't working. Why is nothing working?

In all honesty...this is yet another reason why I find myself to be envious of Sam and Dean. Whenever they have a 'long day' or they are faced with some sort of truth or knowledge that is 'hard to swallow'...they indulge in a fair amount of alcohol, and all of their problems seem to temporarily solve themselves...at least for the night, until they are able to revisit and worry about them at a later time.

Yet...it doesn't seem to be having any effect whatsoever on me. Other than the fact my vision is slightly blurred and my words don't seem as fluent as they usually do. But my mind....my mind was still, unfortunately, fully functional. 

And the only thing in it...was the world-shattering, astonishing, terrifying realization that had hit me with the force of a thousand stars dying and erupting all at once. The truth that I was searching for, but now that I've found it...I am completely and utterly lost on what to do about it.

I...I know what she is. 

And though I've heard stories...I never thought it possible. At least, not as far as angels are concerned. It should be impossible, but...what other explanation is there?

There isn't one....because as I held her in my arms and looked into her eyes, having her that close while she was fully conscious and coherent...I saw it in her soul. The answer to those burning questions...lurking deep in those (e/c) eyes and staring right back at me.

I was able to read her soul as I fought for her life, but there were some parts I must've overlooked in the midst of my efforts...some parts that weren't fully visible while she was mere moments from death. But when I caught her before she fell...I saw it, and....

And this is so much worse than I could've imagined.

As soon as I left that motel room, I traveled the globe...just trying to spread my wings, get some fresh air...trying to distract myself and keep busy so I didn't descend into a fully blown panic. But it didn't work. 

For a moment, I thought it was alarm bells being sent as a communication from Heaven...a warning via "Angel Radio" as Dean refers to it. But Heaven was quiet for the time being...as were the angels. The alarm bells in my head were solely a product of my own fear, and it was me alone that was suffering from their blaring. 

I forget how many countries I touched down on, how many forests and deserts and mountains and tundras and islands I searched for some sort of serenity, but could find none to distract me from the truth.

So...I decided I'd take a page out of Sam and Dean's book, so to speak, and I attempted to drown out the discomforting feelings in quite a literal sense. Now that that has proven fruitless...I knew I didn't have a choice. I needed to speak about this....I needed to tell them what was happening. I needed to release everything that I was keeping itself trapped inside me to the point I feared my vessel couldn't even contain it. 

It took me a bit longer to locate them than usual thanks to the effects of my impairment, but I finally found them hours later at a pub a few miles away from the motel where Y/N still sat. The thought of being so painfully close to her...especially after how abruptly I left...it didn't make it any easier on myself. But I needed to confide in the two individuals I trust most in the universe...the only two individuals in the universe who might even begin to understand the gravity of the situation. 

As I came in to land, I saw them sitting at a booth in the far corner of the dimly lit establishment. They hated when I just came in and appeared unannounced but...this was urgent. I'm sure they'd find a way to forgive me later.