What was I made for? |2/2|

21

It has been a tough week. Meredith was on her way to pick up the girls, her family had helped a lot but she refused to ask for help tonight.

She parked her car in front of Grace and Charlotte's school where she got out of the car and wheeled inside

"Mama!" Charlotte ran towards her mom

"Hey monkey, let's grab your bag and find your sister." Meredith said and wheeled up to grab the girl's jacket

Charlotte threw her backpack over the handles of Meredith's wheelchair and put on her own coat, then following to find Grace who did the same

"So how was school?" Meredith asked as they headed outside, back to their car

"Boringggg!" Both girls giggled

"Let's go pick up Emma, we can go get some ice cream at the dock." Meredith explained

She helped Charlotte to get buckled into the car and got in as well, driving off to Emma's school where they could luckily wait inside the car

"Mom!" Emma climbed inside the car, giving her mom a quick hug

"Hey monkey, how are you feeling?" Meredith asked

"I'm fine, just a boring day." She shrugged

"Let's go get some ice cream, monkeys." Meredith smiled and drove off

...

At the house there was quite some chaos, the girls had been begging for a million things when her phone started ringing

"Meredith Grey." She picked up

"Mer, don't freak out-" Derek's voice was heard

"Der? What's wrong?" She frowned and wheeled to a room so she could call in peace

"There's some situation here-" He started to explain. "

"What's up Derek?" She started to worry

"I gotta stay a little longer.. I'm really sorry." He apologized

"I get it, Der. It's fine, I can take care of the kids, just please call them tonight." She asked

"Of course I will. I'll call every single day." He nodded

"Yeah." Meredith nodded and so they went on, every day getting a little rougher until her doctor's appointment came up. Derek must have forgotten about it but she didn't feel the need to remind him and make him worry

So she dropped off the kids at school and made her way over to the hospital. She got out of her car and wheeled inside, seeing her co-workers rushing so she decided she could go see them later. So she decided to wheel up to Bailey's office

"Ah Grey, you're early." She said

"Just wanted to get over with it, Bailey." Meredith sighed

"Let's go do some tests then." Bailey nodded, understanding this must be awful for Meredith

Meredith made it through it all but Bailey didn't seem to be very happy with the results

"Meredith.. As a doctor, what would you tell your patients?"

"Colostomy Bag, permanent catheter maybe. Which will reduce the chance of certain infections, but a permanent catheter can add other infections." She muttered

"I think a colostomy bag is your biggest chance right now." She nodded. "Can I call someone for you?"

"No. I think- I think I'll just go home." Meredith shook her head

"Can I schedule this surgery as soon as Derek is back?" Bailey asked

"M-Maybe wait another week?" Meredith asked, completely frightened

"Okay Meredith. Are you sure you can drive right now?" Bailey asked

"I- I will." Meredith nodded and quickly transferred off the examination table into her wheelchair and fled. She wasn't sure if she should go home but at least no one would see her there, the girls would go to Christopher and Carolyn after school and stay the night

So Meredith started the long drive home, at some point she could barely see the road because of the constant tears that kept welling up in her eyes

It was a surprise to her how she had gotten home safely, almost a miracle. She got out of her car, entered the house and wheeled straight to bed where she curled up and just cried and cried, unable to stop as she thought about another surgery, another thing that should help to make her quality of life better, but what was worse was that it's another visible thing. Her wheelchair was something everyone would see, and in her head a colostomy bag was what everyone would see as well, even if she deep down knows that's not the case

Luckily for her she hadn't gotten any sudden calls from her husband because she wouldn't have been able to hide this from him

She stared at herself in the mirror that was standing in the corner of the room

She didn't like what she saw, not at all. She blamed herself so badly for what happened those years ago. Even during her nap, after she had cried herself to sleep, she woke up because of the bad dream she had, suddenly she was back in the collapsed tunnel, feeling all the pain in her body over and over again