𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰: tayvis oneshots

6.0: Hold On

Taylor:

  He had been declining rapidly. I knew it was getting worse when the doctor came in and sat me down, telling me that I should call anyone who I think would want to say their goodbyes. He had been battling Lymphoma for the better part of 2 years, and god he had fought so hard.

Walking into the room Travis had occupied while he was here for treatments, I saw him resting his eyes peacefully. It was definitely alarming to see him depending on this many machines, it was tough on me especially. I knew the horrors and pain that cancer causes, because of course my mother had endured them. She had been my rock throughout this whole process, and it was sad to think she might have to help me through a whole 'nother kind of pain.

  He was at the end of the line, and I knew he was struggling to hold on to reality. I stayed up at night, on the uncomfortable cot that was provided, and listened to make sure he was still breathing. I knew of course the doctors were monitoring all of that, but there's a sense of security in knowing for myself.

"Taylor?"

"Im here, Trav. What's up?" I was wide awake in the chair next to his bed.

"I figured we should start talking about my will and all that stuff, even though it's a major mood killer."

I had been putting this off, afraid it would make everything too real. Searching through my purse, I found the papers I had been given by the lawyer weeks ago.

"Ok first, where would you like to.. pass."

A wave of sadness rushed over the room, but uncomfortable conversations begged to be had.

"I just wanna be surrounded by the people who love me, preferably not in this antiseptic ridden prison." He said that with a light smirk on his face, still incorporating humor into one of that saddest talks that can take place.

"Ok. Next, what would you like to be wearing at the funeral?"

"Not a suit, too formal for me. Maybe just a nice shirt and a tie, don't wanna be catching all the attention with my good looks." I was looked over to him to find his eyes glinting in the light of the lamp. I gently rubbed his hand with my thumb, trying to be a reassuring point he could tether on to.

"Ok I think that's all for now, anything else you need sweets?"

"Thats all Tay." I spent the rest of the night in the arms of the man that I love, pressured by the thought that it might be one of his last.

  Travis passed 3 days later. He was at his house, surrounded by all the love in the world. I was right by his side when he went. This kind of pain demanded to be felt, and lord I felt it. I fell into down into a hole, only occasionally letting in my mom. It was one of the most excruciating experiences I had ever had.

The day of his funeral finally arrived, and I was contemplating whether I would go. It was a stupid thought, but I didn't know if I had the energy to face this many saddened faces and accept all the condolences. Of course I picked out the nicest shirt and tie I could find, still wanting him to go out in style. I know he wanted to be humble and modest, but deep down he had always loved to stand out. And here we were at an event just for my guy, where he could shine all he wanted to.

                        —————

   It had been 1 year since he left us. The grief was still there, but it was muffled. I still saw him in everyday life, like just the other day I had been feeling great. But of course "You Shook me all Night Long" came on the radio, and it reminded me of the times I would be sitting in the passenger seat with Travis belting out the lyrics right next to me. Grief works in funny ways I guess. I know that I will never fully be healed, and that even when I think I'm fine it will all break down. But I also know that Travis wouldn't want me to be living like a sad puppy. If he was here he would want me to go out and shine my light like I do best. He would want me to go sing, and go on tours, and make new music, cause all he ever wanted was for me to be happy in life. And I'm gonna make it my goal to fulfill his wish to the fullest.

A/N: Quick little sad cancer story ig