It's never over // Sihtric Kjartansson

Chapter Fifteen

"He's not going for like this." Finan sat head in his hands thinking of the best way to break the news.
"Couldn't we still send the 3 men ahead?" Osferth continued to try and come up with solutions. Though no one noticed as much but he too was worried greatly for Tove.
"No Osferth, Alfred's message said to bring all fighting men so we'll need them. I'll have to make it clear we are not cancelling but instead pushing back the rescue."
"When will you tell him?"
"Go get him Finan I wish to tell him more privately then we will tell the rest of the men. We need to leave in the next few hours."

"You wanted to see me Lord? Is it about the selection of the men?" Sihtric said hopefully as he returned to the hall with Finan.
"I need you to listen to me, fully. I will say what I need to say then you can..." Uhtred didn't want to spoil what he needed to break to him.
"Go on then my lord." Sihtrics voice was quieter now. His mind gave him all the possible things he was going to say, he knew it had to be about his wife.
"We arent sending the men, or anyone to the fortress."
Sihtric began to speak before being reminded by Uhtreds raised eyebrows it was not his place to speak.
"King Alfred needs us. All of us have to go to Winchester tonight, I don't know what it is but it's obviously urgent."
"He needs us? Really Uhtred? He has an army and Aethelred's army what does he need us for?"
"Sihtric as I said I don't know exactly what it is,"
"So it could be a big waste of time? You are telling me you are choosing Alfred over Tove." Sihtric shouted disgusted.
"No I am not. You know I'm not Sihtric, I swore an oath and I will honour it. We ride to Winchester get your things ready."
"No I am going for Tove."
"Sihtric come on you silly bastard. You against the whole fortress?" Finan had tried to let Uhtred take the lead but he couldn't help himself replying to the absurd things Sihtric was saying. He knew how Sihtric was feeling.
"What can I do Finan? I have no way of telling her I am coming for her, no way of comforting her." Uhtred placed a reassuring hand on Sihtric's shoulder,
"We are in no way forgetting about her, I just can't make an enemy of the king."
Sihtric knew there was nothing he could do without making it worse. Squeezing his eyes shut in defeat he agreed.
"We will bring her home." But it had been a week with no word. No surrounding villages had heard anything, no merchants trading their usual gossip. Nothing.

Once again Tove found herself unclothed on the cold wooden floor, this time it was not Einar's hands on her. Instead it was a fairly old woman whose grey hair was tucked tightly behind her ears. Tove tried not to stare. The woman felt along the thick scar that was now forming on her abdomen. Tove tried her hardest to keep quiet and not squirm when the woman pressed down on it. Her hands were as cold as the floor.
"So?" Einar asked interrupting the elder woman's quiet concentration. She turned to face him as Tove pulled her dress back over herself.
"No my Lord. The wound has stopped her from being able to conceive. I am sorry to be the one to tell you but the knife was too deep." She spoke cautiously looking at the floor with shame when she had told him. She had given Einar his reason to be rid of his biggest trouble.
The woman took his silence as her queue  to leave, when the door shut Tove finally gained the courage to look at him. He was looking at her. To her surprise he didn't look to be angry. But it wasn't happiness he felt either; Einar had fought so hard to get another son from her but now it was hopeless.
"Is it time to say goodbye?" Tove offered biting the inside of her lip nervously. She had stabbed her self with the intent to die, she had stabbed her self there specifically to make herself unable to give him a son but now it had worked she felt fear.
The way she phrased it was so strange to him. Any other woman would had begged at his feet for their life, they would had cried and screamed and bargained. He expected a woman with as strong a character as Tove to get angry. To threaten him and tell him he was unable to do this to her. Yet she didn't. Einar looked at her, he noticed the way her eyes were dark and puffy, her wrists and forearms were bruised. He walked towards her placing his hand on the back of her head stroking it gently.
"Maybe I have been too cruel to you Meren."
He knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't kill her, all this threats were empty.
"I'll send for someone to clean you up." 
Tove smiled at his mercy, but her throat was dry. He couldn't just let her live. He was a man after all, what else could she provide him with if not a son.

For a second time she and the old woman found themselves in an awkward silence. She washed Tove gently combing her hair through her wrinkled fingers. The cold water felt refreshing.
"I had hoped not to see you again." The woman said,
"What?"
"I don't expect you to remember me, I looked after you when you first came here. And I cared for your son when he was small."
"Oh." Tove felt guilty for not remembering this woman.
"He's doing well your boy, tall and oh so smart. He's quick with his responses, gets that from you I'll tell you that." The remark made Tove chuckle, she wishes it was true.
"Einar says you can see him today when you are clean. But you mustn't tell him what's going on and why you ran away."
"No no I won't." Tove replied quickly as if she were in trouble. Then she felt a disgusting feeling, "I don't want to see him."
"What?" the woman stopped combing Toves hair. "Why ever not?"
"Who am I to him?"
"His mother you daft girl," she tried to laugh "Does he know that?" She stopped laughing
"I wouldn't recognise his voice or name. Would he even remember what I look like? What's his name? I, I don't know anything." Tove felt useless. She spent so long wishing to see him but what if he doesn't want to see her? Now she was finally so close she was unsure.
"Two husbands, Two names, Two lives. I've just over complicated and messed everything up!"
"No no Meren,"
"Who even am I anymore?"
"Get dressed." The kind tone in her voice had vanished, Tove could hear the water splash as the woman left her. Tove looked for support not to be left alone.

"Be quiet just follow me." Tove was sceptical but did as she was told. Her hair left an uncomfortable wet patch down her back making her cold. The woman stopped behind a line of bushes before crouching and beconing Tove to join her.
"Look," she whispered. Peering through the small gap in the undergrowth Tove saw Einar, wooden sword in hand. He jumping around in a fighting stance. She opened her mouth to ask what was going on but the sudden sound surprised her. The young boy cried running forward with his matching wooden sword flinging it at Einar as he got close. Tove quietened her gasp with both her hands. The boy and his father laughed at the failed fight.
"See him, so big now. He has your eyes." Tove couldn't help but cry as she watched on.
"You are his mother. That is who you are, don't forget that,"
"He wouldn't recognise me."
"Listen to me girl. You have been through things many can't even imagine, but that is no reason for you to give up now. Don't waste your life because you have forgotten. Einar won't hesitate to kill you. You don't benefit him in any way, you cannot give him sons and you don't love him so what else can you offer him? Don't spend your time waiting for him to do it. You are fighting for him, for your son. Look at me."
Tove caught her breath, she was listening now.
"Where is that girl who killed 6 of his men on your escape, who outsmarted him and made a name for yourself away from here. Who refused any help with the birth, who climbed through windows to hold your son?
"Here. I'm here."
"I don't believe you." Tove frowned,
"You don't have to believe me. I'll show you."