Blade

11-Torment after Torment

"Here's what we'll do, Rachel. You'll take me to your room." Dad said. My throat constricted. My father didn't look at me as he spoke, reaching behind his neck to stretch, his usual habit when tired. "You'll take out every single pill of that medication, and we'll burn it all."

My heart dropped straight into my stomach. I could feel another headache springing up, accompanied by nausea.

Burn them? I basically survived on those pills! What would I do without them? How would I live... ?

"Get up, Rachel," dad ordered.

I wanted to beg him, to plead, but I kept my mouth shut. If I was going to at least try to fix this, then I had to drop Elavil once and for all. I tried to ignore the mounting fear in my stomach as I rose, but it was there, steadily increasing, weakening my knees.

Oh God... What would I do? How else was I meant to drown out Andrew's voice?!

Cackling filled my ears.

Drown me out? Please...
Like you ever succeeded in doing that.

It took a lot of effort to take the first step. Dad watched me, obviously sensing my distress, but he said nothing.

I wanted to sob. Did he not care anymore? Where was the dad that always held me whenever I had a panic attack? Had I finally killed whatever love had been left in him?

Someone help! Save me from this nightmare!

Every step was like lifting the stump of an age-old tree. I held on to the railings as we climbed the stairs, trying to still the trembling of my arms.

I stopped at the door to my room, dad standing right behind me, so close that I could feel his sharp breaths on my hair...

I pushed the door open and stepped in, walking over to my desk.

I stared right down at the table, my palms drifting over the surface. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists against the locker. Who was I kidding? I couldn't do this.

"Dad..." I choked out.

"The drugs, Rachel."

When I turned to face him, his hand was outstretched towards me, his expression stoic.

Hot wet tears rolled across my face as I stared at him.

" Dad. You don't understand. Please hear me out..." I started,my panic returning with full force.

"Now."

My father remained unfazed. My tears poured hotter and with even more volume.

"Dad please..."

His jaw clenched.

"Rachel. You don't want me to ask a second time," he said in warning.

I shut my eyes tight, summoning all the courage and strength within me. I pulled open the drawer. My hands trembled as I reached for the two bottles. I hadn't even gotten the chance to touch the second one.

When I hesitated, dad reached over and took both the bottles, lingering a bit to make sure that was all.

"Is that all of it?" he asked me.

I managed a nod.

"Follow me," he said.

My entire body trembled as I watched the bottles in his hands. This was it. They were gone . Out of my grasp...

Dad led me outside the house, next to mum's flower garden. He dropped the bottles on the ground, then handed me a gas lighter.

"Burn them," he ordered.