Left With More Than a Memory

The Emptiness of Lonley

Well hello there! You may have seen me before on AO3 or FF.net and I had an account here for a while too! It has been a second, hasn't it? I felt that I needed a break to take a step back and it was the best decision I could have made. But I've missed writing beyond words and so here I am, back and kicking! To any readers who may be returning, it's so good to see you again! For now, I will be reworking and re-uploading my two favourite stories from this account, "Left With More Than a Memory" (this fic) and "Those Next Three Months" (it's sequel). I just need a minute to get back into the swing of things and get some new work going. So, if you are returning to this story I hope you will enjoy this reworked and (all going well) better version.

And to any new readers of this story, welcome! I am so honoured to have you here to read my fic. A few things before we get started: I am aware of Dumbledore's sexual orientation, but I've always found this ship really sweet. This is also going off of the fan and even Maggie Smith's (THE Professor McGonagall) theory that McGonagall had always secretly been in love with Dumbledore. Dumbledore will still be gay in this fic but he and McGonagall will share an experience. I'm also going to make McGonagall younger than she was in the books/movies (Dumbledore would obviously have to be younger too but I won't mention his age in the story) because as you saw in the summary a baby is imminent! This fic will also have the plot line that Minerva was aware of the plan for Snape to murder Dumbledore. I have included some characters of my own creation as well that I hope you will love just as much as the classic ones! So, readers new and old, I hope you enjoy my story and a review or any feedback you'd like to give would be so greatly appreciated!

The Emptiness of Lonley

Why on Earth had she done it?

Minerva stared blankly at the ceiling, her mind spinning in an attempt to comprehend what had just happened. People say that love is the strongest driver of human emotion. But Minerva now knew it to be loneliness. The incomprehensible way that loneliness has the power to steer people toward each other. Lonely people toward each other. For loneliness is the emptiest of all feelings. And the lonely will do anything to be free of it. That is what led to a night that would be with her for the rest of her life. It was a blur, yet she remembered it all so clearly. The sequence seemed to be missing links but the end left no doubt as to every piece being in place. War does that to people. Makes them live for moment not for memory.

"Come in Albus!" she had called, putting down the exam papers she was marking and rising from her desk. Her heart quickened as she turned. She knew exactly why he was here. But that irrational voice present in every human soul told her that there was still a chance she could be wrong.

"Good evening Minerva," he said cheerfully. Her nerves turned to annoyance, even brinking on anger. Cheerful?! How on Earth could he be cheerful?! Her countenance apparently betrayed her as the smile fell from his face. The jig was up.

"Tea would not go far astray with me this evening, Minerva" he continued pleasantly but not with the energy he had brought with his entrance.

"I believe we are both far beyond tea, Albus" she answered cooly. 'Firewhiskey or Dragon Barrel?"

At this, he smirked. Minerva could not help but smile too. Immediately the air around them was lighter.

"You know well the answer to that, my dear"

She poured two hearty glasses of Firewhiskey and they took their customary places by the fire. They had had many a late-night meeting like this over their years of friendship. Be it to talk Quidditch, exams, spells, or, as of the past few years, the various antics of Potter and his group. But none, she felt, was to set a new tone for them.

"Beautiful sunset isn't it?" he remarked calm as ever. She rested her glass in her lap.

"Yes, quite beautiful"

She sighed deeply. He was putting it off. And she wasn't sure how much more of it she could stand. She knew deep down the news he brought and she didn't need its confirmation dragged out. Minerva got up from her chair and returned to her desk, beginning again to sort through her remaining papers. Two could play the avoidance game, she thought. But a larger part of her thought that maybe not looking at him would make it easier. They sat like that for several minutes in silence. Until the sound of an empty glass that had had its remaining contents drained cut through it like thunder.

"I will take Potter to the cave tomorrow," he said plainly. "I need not remind you of what shall happen on my return".

There it was. Their game was ended. It was weeks now since he had come to her office harbouring his cursed and shrivelled hand. Throughout the whole discussion, she had been the picture of poise, practicality and professionalism. But the sight and news had privately devastated her. Severus was to kill him before the curse took care of it and prevent blood from landing in Draco Malfoy's hands. It would also clear up any doubt The Dark Lord and his Death Eaters may have about Severus' loyalty. He had then promised her fair warning when the time came to put his plan into action. So, here he sat.

"I see" she replied, still refusing to look at him. "Then I believe another drink is in order".

Several drinks were to follow it. As the liquor slowly took its hold the two settled into reminiscence. They imparted memories, shared and private, laughed, pondered, questioned, reflected. Over two hours later Albus rose to top up his glass. She watched him walk past her, his outline warmed by the firelight. Then she suddenly felt the desire she had suppressed successfully for so many years begin to rise to the surface. She knew there was no reciprocation and had always known it. But that did not stop the feelings. What rational part of her being that remained screamed at her to stop. But she did not have the will nor want to listen to it. She got up and moved to stand next to him. Putting the decanter down, Albus turned to face her. They stared at each other for a moment and she watched slight puzzlement creep across his eyes. Then she leaned in. She regretted it the moment she had begun it and pulled back, horrified with herself.

"Al-Albus I am so sorry, I-I don't know what came over me I-"

She was cut off.

That night they both learned the true power of embedded, complete, and utter loneliness.

And now, here she was. Lying in her dark room with nothing but the flashes in her mind.

Alone.

Once again.

Well, there's the first chapter! If you are returning I hope that you found this to be an improvement on the first time around and if you are new I really hope you enjoyed the first taste of my story. I'll have Chapter 2 up in a day or so. Once again, thank you for reading and a review would be so greatly appreciated!