I'll look after you *Remus lupin comfort fic

I'm fine.

No one at this school knows me. Not fully anyways.

I made friends pretty easily when i was first chosen to attend Hogwarts. I was placed into Gryffindor house which landed me in with the golden trio. And even though i feel as though i can trust the three of them, i can never fully open up to them. If i have learnt anything from my homelife, its that you should never let anyone get too close. Always have a guard up. Just in case.

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The past 5 years at Hogwarts have been a way for me to escape home and even escape my own mind, but eventually these things catch up to you.

I've started to have recurring nightmares about things that i wish not to revisit and its gotten to the point where i am trying to sleep less and less to avoid the invasion of these memories. Lets just say now, its not as easy as it may sound. No amount of caffeine and red bulls can keep me awake forever so there's nights where i eventually fall asleep. Because of my attempts at staying awake, I'm becoming sloppy with my work and my grades are slipping. It just feels as though there is no hope...

Now Ron, Hermione and Harry are starting to notice my low moods.

"Are you okay Abby?" Harry questioned as he handed me the book we needed in potions. "Of course i am, why wouldn't i be?" I lied, opening the book and turning to the page that we required. "You've just been acting a bit.. I don't know, different i guess." When i looked up from the page i saw that not only was Harry's eyes on me, but so was Hermione's and Ron's. "I'm just tired that's all, i think i just need some extra sleep haha, its annoying how early we have to be up for classes, i am definitely not a morning person." That was enough to deter the questions for now as Harry just agreed and the three of them continued with the work. Me being tired wasn't necessarily a lie, last night was another night living on iced coffees. I've had no sleep in about 36 hours and i was crashing hard.

The whole class went by in a quick blur and i couldn't concentrate throughout the entire thing. Snape clocked onto this fact in class which earned 10 points taken from Gryffindor. As soon as potions was finished i headed straight to the great hall for food with the trio but when i got there i didn't seem to have the energy to eat anything. All i could think about was going to sleep but i know a soon as i shut my eyes, those demons will return.

"Abby aren't you going to eat something?" Hermione asked "yeah because i sure am STARVED" Ron exclaimed as he was stuffing a Cornish pastie into his mouth. "-what?" i hadn't realized that i had been sitting down at the table for 20 minutes lost in thought. "OH, um, I'm not really hungry right now, I'm actually going to retire to my room i think, get that sleep i clearly need hahaha--" My voice trailed off as i stood up and walked out of the hall and headed up the stairs. Hermione shot a concerned glance but just shrugged it off.

Once i get to the room i decide to read to try keep myself awake. I grabbed a book from a shelf and sat down in my bed.

At some point during my reading i must've drifted off as i woke up to Hermione standing over me shouting my name.

"ABBY, WAKE UP!" ... "What is going on?!" At first i didn't know where i was but my eyes slowly adjusted to my surroundings and i let out a sigh. "huh-- wha-- what?" i turn my head to face Hermione and she's looking at me with worry in her eyes. "you- you were like screaming in you sleep. Saying things like stop and sorry and no" "like you were full on calling for help in your sleep".. " what where you dreaming about?" I couldn't let anyone ever know what i was dreaming about. Never let my guard down. "nothing, it was nothing, it was just a silly dream" i say avoiding the question "it didn't sound like nothing, come on just tell me what's going on, i want to help" I sit myself up against my pillow and run my hands through my hair " Its nothing just drop it and mind your own business 'mione!" I yelled at her and then sigh putting my head in my hands. "fine." she exclaimed "if you're going to be like that when I'm only trying to help i will leave you alone. Sorry for caring." And she walked out the door. I lay my head back down on the pillow and pick my book back up to read.

*The next morning

Why did i have to make life so much harder for other people. Now i have probably lost Hermione and Hermione has most likely told Ron and Harry about what i said to her which means I've more then likely lost them too. Now i have no one.

I go straight from my bed to the showers to get ready for the day ahead. Washing my hair, body and shaving. I slept for a total of 2 hours last night. I don't know how I'm even going to function in any of my classes today. While engrossed in thought, i cut my arm while shaving. Blood starts to quickly follow the stream of water and pour onto the shower floor. "fuck!" i exclaim as i turn the shower head off and go over to the cabinet to get a plaster. I unwrap the plaster and stick it over the small cut creating a slight stinging sensation as i do so. I look at the time on my clock and realize that I've not only missed breakfast but I'm late for Defense against the dark arts. Rushing, i shove my robes on, grab my wand and rush over to the DADA classroom.

I breathlessly enter the classroom which makes everyone turn the heads and look at me, including Professor Lupin. "Sorry I'm late professor, slept in.." I exclaim "That's quite alright Abby, just please find a seat and we can get on with the class." Professor Lupin smiles at me and references to the rest of the classroom to any empty seats. I turn to face the rest of the class, searching for a seat to sit in when my eyes catches Hermione's. She's sitting with Harry and Ron. I try and offer a small smile but she just turns away. Embarrassment and shame hits me, remembering about the conversation we had the previous night and i go and sit in a empty seat at the back of the class.

Hermione wont even look at me. She must be really angry at me about last night. I need to find a way to apologies to her.

I write a note out stating my deepest apologies and explaining to her that i didn't mean what i said, then i chucked the note over to where she was sitting. Ron picks up the note, opens it, shows it to Hermione, then Hermione grabs the note out of Ron's hand, looks at me and puts it in the bin.

Guess that's the end of that then. I'm now fully alone.

"Abby, are you listening to what I'm saying?" I look up top see all eyes on me, "what?", "okay, please see me after class". Great now I'm in trouble, i cant do anything without majorly fucking shit up.

At the end of the class, i try to sneak out with everyone else but Lupin sees me and motions me to sit back down and i comply. "What's the matter sir?" i question innocently, not daring to look him in the eyes. "You aren't in trouble" Lupin replies softly, "I was merely just wondering if there was something the matter?" i laugh in reply, still looking at my fiddling hands. "What's so funny?" he inquires tilting his head to the side. "Oh, its nothing sir, its just that your the second person to ask me that in the last 24 hours" i reply meekly. "Well perhaps that means that maybe there is something wrong that you may wish to tell me about" "Why do you think that?" I say, "well, you just seem slightly out of sorts and distracted as of late, and your grades are slipping a bit in a few of your classes, I was just wondering if there was anything i can help you with." I stand up out the chair and head for the door, "Nope, nothing of the sort! I have a class i must get to now so I'm going to go, sorry, bye professor!" "Abby." Lupin says sternly, "I'm here if you need to talk, about anything, you understand?" "Yes, thank you sir.." i shout from the distance of the corridor.

- A/N: heyyyy, thank you so much for reading this story so far! I hope your enjoying it.

What do you think Abby will do now?

if there's any mistakes pls mention them, I'm all up for constructive criticism.

I'm hoping to regularly update so stay tuned on any new updates!!!

Ok, enjoy!!

(1580 words)