I'll look after you *Remus lupin comfort fic

the start...

I run out of the classroom as quickly as my feet would allow me to.

Great.. now not only have i lost the only people i could really trust, but I'm going to have Professor Lupin on my back, constantly watching me. I don't need this.

I run down the corridor and find the closest place that i could have some solitude.

The girls bathroom.

I propel the door open and walk towards the sinks. Looking up i see my reflection in the mirror. My messy hair and under eye bags reflecting back at me. My breathing started to quicken. i grasp my chest and edge of the sink in hopes of slowing my breath but it wasn't helping. I was starting to go lightheaded and my legs where becoming rocky. What's going on? I thought to myself as my legs eventually give away and i was now sitting on the floor, back against the wall, head buried in my knees.

After what felt like an eternity, my heart rate and breathing decreased and i was just sitting on the floor, still, unable to move in fear that it would all start again.

My hands were trembling slightly, but i managed to lift myself back up onto my feet and face back to the mirror.

I was so angry. its all too much to deal with. the nightmares. my grades. Lupin. now this. I don't know what to do anymore. I just needed it all to stop.

My ears were ringing, bad thoughts and demons echoing in my head. I just need it all to stop, i repeated internally. And at that thought i smashed the mirror i was facing using my fist. Glass cascading all over. I looked down at my hand, completely covered in the crimson colored blood. cuts detailed my knuckles.. then something catches my eye. A piece of sharp glass lay down next to my feet. Looking back up, i turn my focus onto my cut arm from this morning. I pull up my sleeve and press down onto it through the plaster. The sting i felt flooded my body with a sense of relief and i turned my head to look back at the piece of glass laying beside me and i picked it up. Grabbing my wand and bag, i take the bit of smashed glass into one of the cubicles and then sat on the floor while re-placing down my bag and wand. I roll up the sleeve the previous injury was on and pressed the sharp edge against my pale skin, and I dragged it along the canvas of my skin, leaving a red line which started to produce beads of blood. The pain felt so good that i decided to do it again. Except this time i pushed down slightly harder then the last. Rather then beads of blood appearing, the blood was leaking down my arm, dropping a few drops onto the floor.

I dropped the glass onto my bag and looked at my arm.

oh my god, what was i thinking?!

After cleaning most the blood up with a tissue, i pulled my sleeve back over my damaged arm, grabbed my wand and after hesitating slightly, shoved the piece of glass i used into my bag and left the girls bathroom.

I run to the Gryffindor common room and speedily into my own room at the girls side and shut the door. When i turn around i see that the room that used to be shared by me and Hermione now resided just me. All of Hermione's things were cleared out. Her clothes. Her books. Even crookshanks. I had been left alone. Knowing this i put my things down on the floor, went into the bathroom and opened the cabinet door in search of a bandage. After finding one i take my robe off, unroll the bandage, and wrap it neatly around my arm then tied it. I also cleaned and wrapped a bandage around my hand that i cut from smashing the mirror.

Sighing after realizing that i had missed my break, i put my robe back on, grabbed my belongings and headed out of the room.

I still have the rest of this day to do...

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By the end of the day, and a few stares because of my hand, i had asked around to some of the other Gryffindor's and found out that Hermione has decided to move into Ginny Weasley and Parvati Patil's dorm room, leaving me with an empty one to myself.

Well, now that i don't share with anyone, i don't have to worry about me screaming in my sleep anymore. plus, its a room, to myself, so really I'm getting the better end of this arrangement.

I knew this was all a front i was putting on for myself. The fact that Hermione disliked me so much, that she had to move rooms made me feel horrible.

By the time i had got to my room at the end of the day i was exhausted, too exhausted to go down and eat food, not that i had anyone to sit with anyways. So i just dragged my feet across the room and flopped into my bed.

Not only was i exhausted but my arm was stinging so bad. I thought it would probably be a good idea to change my dressing before i even think about getting comfortable, just in case. So i changed out of my school clothes, shoved a hoodie and some sweats on, tied my hair up into a messy bun and went over to the bathroom. my hand bandage didn't need changing, it was just my arm. After pulling up my hoodie sleeve, I unwrapped the bandage and looked at the cuts on my arm. Blood had managed to seep through the dressing sightly but the rest of the blood had just dried up on my arm. I grabbed a damp cloth for the side of the sink and lightly dabbed it on my arm, trying to clean the blood up. A stinging feeling filled my senses, and like in the bathroom, i felt slightly at peace.

After finishing up, i redressed my arm, pulled my sleeve down and went to my bed.

It has been about 2 days since I've actually had a normal nights sleep and i thought it would be best to sleep tonight before i went crazy... or i just started to fall asleep in class which now that Lupin would be keeping a close eye on me, wouldn't be ideal. So i slid under my blanket and shut my eyes, drifting into sleep.

I opened my eyes to find myself back in my hometown, in that ghastly house.

I had my back against the wall, the lights were dim and i could feel fear surging through my body. I hugged my frame as i slid down that wall, starting to hear footsteps lurking towards me. My fear increased as i could smell the strong aroma of alcohol surrounding my senses and my breath quickened. I look up from the floor to see my mothers boyfriend advancing to me. He was screaming something while shaking his fist, holding a bottle in his other hand. "no, please, don't" i pleaded with him, "please, I'm sorry-" "shut your mouth!" he screamed at me and swung his bottle in my direction hitting the wall right next to my head. His fists came up into the air and at that point i awoke, my blanket had fallen off of me and onto the floor and i was hyperventilating.

While trying to calm my breathing i turned my head and looked to the clock, it said that it was 4am. My increased heartrate didn't subside so quickly, i got out of bed to go into the bathroom. I rolled my sleeves up, got water from the tap into my hands and proceeded to splash my face with it. I did this about three times before dropping down to the floor with my knees up against my chest. The cold water helped calm me slightly and i broke down.

I was sobbing quietly into my hands for a bit before looking up and turning to see my bag against my bed. I was hesitant for a moment before i thought, there's no harm, right? So i stood, trembling while walking over to my bag and taking out the piece of glass i had placed in there just the other morning. Without thinking about it any longer, i pulled my sleeve up, unwrapped the previously wrapped bandaged, and forcefully pulled the sharp object across my skin. My breathing hitched slightly as pain covered me then it was completely steady and i dropped the glass onto the floor while blood dripped down my arm.

How could something so bad make me feel better?

Pushing the thoughts of my invasive dream out of my head, i placed the glass back in my bag, wiped the blood away with the same damp cloth, rewrapped my arm up and took a book of the shelf. At least I've had a bit of sleep, i thought as i got back into my bed and opened the book.

*Hey! thanks for reading this new chapter. I hope you enjoyed it!!

Just though i should mention that the way I'm describing sh and other issues Abby may be having is based of my own experience, i understand if it may be different for you but this is just the way that i know so that's what I've written.

pls let me know if i have made any mistakes LOL

if there's anything that youse want to comment on, feel free to do so!!! and look out for the next update/ next chapter! I'm going to try and update regularly so stayed tuned.

(1648 words)