I'll look after you *Remus lupin comfort fic

Dread

The next morning

Even though my reasoning for leaving so briskly last night was because i was tired, i did not sleep a wink. 

Instead, i practiced some healing and cleaning up charms because it had seemed apparent the only way i could calm myself down or even sleep at night was to cut and i needed a better way to clean my messes up after me. 

As of this morning, i have harmed myself about 5/6 times. It was becoming a habit which i couldn't quit. 

I only really used the cleaning up charms as i don't like to heal my injury's because if i healed them, id have to do it again and again. Once they aren't as visible anymore, i need to create another one. 

I am extremely nervous for today as Lupin is bound to want to continue last nights discussion we were having, and i wont have any excuse for leaving this time. 

I quickly get up, change, grab my things and leave my room. 

I don't want to give Remus another reason to be speaking to me so i decided to go sit in the hall for breakfast. 

I walked into the great hall and sit down furthest away from the teachers table, trying to avoid Lupins gaze which i can feel on me as soon as i walk in. I grab a pumpkin pastie and a cup of water and take my charms book out my bag. I'm just going to try and study over anything that i might've missed from yesterdays class this morning. I take a small bite out my pumpkin treat and i can already feel that sickly feeling in my stomach. Trying to ignore it, i take another small bite out and place it down on my plate then i take a big gulp of my water. 

I quickly glance over to the teachers table and lock eyes with lupin who had be looking at me. I quickly turn away and concentrate my eyes on the piece of text in front of me. 

The feeling of anxiety is sitting at the bottom of my throat like a boulder weighing me down. Pushing my hair back out of my face and pinching the bridge of my nose, i continue trying to read the page. I have managed to read the same sentence over 3 times. I can feel heat rushing to my cheeks and down my neck and my hands start to shake. I close my book, grab my things and briskly rush out of the hall, running to the courtyard and sitting down. 

Since everyone was eating their breakfast, the courtyard was empty. I put my head down and grasp at my chest. My breathe quickening every second. I can feel the pastie threatening to come back up in my throat and my leg is trembling. 

The door to the great hall goes and i turn to see Professor Lupin glancing out the door in my direction. As soon as our eyes lock, i jump up and speed out the other door of the courtyard. 

I can hear him calling my name in the distance but i don't listen and just walk even quicker to the girls bathroom. 

~~~

I clean up the bloody mess i made in the bathroom cubicle, place a plaster on on my freshly made wound that i grabbed from my bedroom and put it in my bag, then i grab my things and start heading to my first class, transfiguration. 

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The lesson went by pretty quickly and without any issue. Transfiguration is more working on your own rather than working in partners or groups, which i greatly preferred.  

After break had finished, which was spent with me just reading, it was charms class. When i go there i explained to Professor Flitwick what happened the previous day which he was fine with and went on with the class.