Some of the funniest people can be found in Twitter. Agree?
Follow these folks if you want!
1.
The woman that the song “You Are So Beautiful” was written for must have felt really beautiful when she heard it, until the “…to me” part. –@mikeleffingwell
2.
There’s no I in anxiety. Wait. Yes there is. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. –@ElizaBayne
3.
Ever pet a dog just so he stays, but once he’s settled- you stop petting? That’s relationship. –@seabrown
4.
So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we’re still in the top 10. –@travon
5.
Roses are red, Twitter is blue, You look bangable, so I’ll follow you. –@ohMurrayyyy
6.
Write the name of someone you hate on your body everyday in permanent marker, so no matter how you die they’ll become a suspect. –@MarkLeggett
7.
If diamonds are a girl’s best friend does that mean my ex is going to sleep with them too? –@nachosarah
8.
Ran over two foxes having sex in the middle of the road. I suppose, if I were a fox, that’d be the way I’d want to die. –@41AndCounting
9.
Crabs always look like they’re walking themselves out of an awkward situation. –@GreenishDuck
10.
Imagine you know a guy named Gary, & Gary calls his car the Garymobile & insists that you do, too. What I’m saying is Batman is a douche. –@Andy_Richter
11.
Last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas ….. I woke up in a box. –@EllenDegenres
12.
Adulthood is probably when you stop taking drugs to trip out, and start taking drugs to feel normal. –@kellyoxford
13.
I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they fuck up I will just hit them all at once. –@WillFerrell
14.
Stop saying “11/11/11” only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That’s how time works. –@MikeDrucker
15.
I hate when old people poke me at weddings, point and whisper, “You’re next.” So I’ve started doing the same thing to them at funerals. –@Starrlett17
16.
My greatest fear is sitting in front of thousands of people while my Google search history is being read aloud. –@JennyJohnsonHi5
17.
I just want people to accept me for who I pretend to be. –@yoyoha
18.
When my phone says “searching,” I hold it to my heart and whisper, “Me too, phone, me too,” then burst into tears. –@MrsRupertPupkin
19.
I wish babies would stop saying hi to me while in the checkout line. I don’t fucking know you. Don’t talk to me. –@YUCKYBOT
20.
Ppl always think I’m hitchhiking but I’m actually just giving drivers a thumbs up, great driving everyone. –@Chase_Chase
21.
My mom keeps asking me if I have a girlfriend lol give it a rest damn it’s never gonna happen between us mom. –@tylerschmall
22.
Sometimes if I trip into a crack I act likes it’s no biggie by breaking into a jog and don’t stop until I’m in a new city with a new life. –@EliTerry
23.
Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It’s like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad. –@MaryKoCo
24.
Love how hipster girls be shaving the side of their head looking like they just had a sexy ass brain surgery get well soon, girl! –@Brandamonium
25.
Porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid. –@sbellelauren
What’s the next list about? Any suggestions?
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Random Crappy List
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