"Maybe he doesn't remember me, well there is no reason for that also. I guess it's time for me to forget him as well." I am drinking coffee in a cafe and my thoughts tease me again. But something's different, these are strong. "I should forget him n...
Dhruv was an emotion that I did not know. He made me feel happy, confident, and cheerful. He never judged me. He was there all the time, listening to my blabbering. He had a special place in my life at that time.
The rest day at my school went super well. Reason? Because of him, just because I heard his name. After coming home, I quickly freshened up and ran towards my room. Took out a piece of paper, and started to write down a message to him. Like I always do.
Hi Dhruv,
As I recall our last meeting, my heart is filled with a deep longing to express my feelings to you. I remember you saying that you are a fool, but to me, you are so much more. You are the most brilliant, kind-hearted, and selfless person I have ever known.
Your kindness and generosity know no bounds, and I have never met anyone who puts others before themselves like you do. But what I love most about you is the way you make me feel. When I am around you, I can't help but feel safe and comforted when you are near. I am sorry that I have not been able to express my true feelings to you before. My heart is bursting with a desire to tell you everything.
I hope that one day soon I will have the courage to share my deepest thoughts and feelings with you. Until then,
Bye....
Yes, I express myself like this. My feelings for Dhruv were very confusing for me at that time. I was not able to identify my feelings for him. Was that love, affection, or just nothing? No idea. All I did was to write some messages to him, sometimes letters and even feelings to him. But I was not able to give him a single letter. I just kept them with me.
My parents were fortunate enough to have childhood friends who lived close by, and over the years, they had become more like family than mere acquaintances. Whenever there was a reason to celebrate, be it a festival or a special occasion, we would come together as one big extended family and make cherished memories together. Our get-togethers were always filled with laughter, love, and warmth, and I looked forward to every opportunity to spend time with these wonderful people who had become an integral part of our lives.
That's how I met Dhruv. I remember when I first saw him. I might be 5 years old. And he came into my life. He was fat at that time, chubby had small hands like me, and was just a bit taller than me. But one thing that grabbed my attention about him at that time was his eyes, they were deep, like ocean—deep Oceanic Eyes.
The next day, when I went to school, all alone again. I was missing my friends, I mean the version I created about them. But in the end, I was alone again.
Soon a girl approached me. Aradhana. I hadn't seen her the previous day. "Hi," she said. "I was not there yesterday, can please help me with the work." She requested. I decided to help her. I asked her to sit with me so I could tell her everything. She soon sat with me. I told her everything and gave her the notes.
She seemed nice, she was intelligent, commenting on everything. Gave her opinion and shared her ideas, still, her voice pitch was low, like she was scared of me. But after a while, her pitch increased, and then started talking to me. I guessed that she was not comfortable with me at first. "You are amazing Asha, thank you so much." She said. Then she went back to her seat.
It's not like I didn't like her company, just I was scared to make friends again. Aradhana seemed nice and charming. But my state at that time was not like I could make friends easily then. No, I was not in any way suspecting her that she would hurt me. I was just insecure.
Soon the classes started and the teacher arranged seats for us. I sat according to my given seat. My deskmate was a girl, but she wasn't looking like she was interested in talking to me. She was talking to another girl who was on her left. But that didn't bother me. I just opened my book and started focusing.
Suddenly someone on my right asked for a pen from me. I instantly recognized his voice. He was Ankit. Well, I gave a pen to him. "What's your name?" He asked cutely. "Asha," I replied. "Well, I am Ankit. Nice to meet you." He said. "Same," I replied and again focused on my book. "Doesn't look like." He said. Well he was right, I was not interested in talking to him. I was afraid of getting hurt again but I didn't want to disappoint him, what was his mistake after all? "I was scared of what the teacher would say," I replied not to make him sad. He nodded saying he understood.
The classes were going and I was bored. Suddenly, someone from the back patted my shoulder. I turned and saw Aradhana. I hadn't noticed her before. "Asha, can you show me what's written on the board, I can't see." She asked. "Yes, sure." I showed her my notebook.
Soon, the break started. And I, I was alone again. I started to remember everything. I was on the verge of crying when Aradhana came to me and asked "Why are you sitting here alone?" "Nothing," I replied. "Can we have lunch together?" she asked. I was numbed. My old friends never asked me this, it was always me who went to them. And here Aradhana, she asked me. I was happy and emotional. "Sure, if you have no problem," I said. "Of course not, we are friends after all." She said. Friends, I was scared, but was I with her? No. Yes, we became friends. I wanted to make new friends. And the first one would be her.
The rest of the day went well. I was happy that I made a new friend, but the insecurity in me was still there. But I shrugged that off. Ankit was constantly asking me something. Sometimes it was what the page number the teacher was on, sometimes it was what our teacher was telling us, and sometimes it was to show him the book. He was like, I wanted to talk every time.
When I came back home, my mother looked at me while smiling. Well, that was not normal but I loved that. I always wanted to have attention from my parents. "Tonight there is a get-together, get ready by seven. Okay, beta?" (okay, child?) She said. I was too happy, I was going to meet Dhruv that night of course I would. There were only a few occasions in a year when I could meet him.
And that was when everything started or I say when I noticed it started.
