"Maybe he doesn't remember me, well there is no reason for that also. I guess it's time for me to forget him as well." I am drinking coffee in a cafe and my thoughts tease me again. But something's different, these are strong. "I should forget him n...
He was there, I had no words to tell anyone. Modit. He was my classmate in my previous to previous class. I usually did not talk to him. He was just a classmate. I did not even pay attention to him.
One day, when I was in second grade. Modit came to me, outside the girl's washroom. He was touching me inappropriately. I was getting uncomfortable. Not knowing what was going on with me, I requested him to stop. He didn't. continued touching me everywhere, I tried to push him away but I could not. His touch was making me cry.
Suddenly, a voice interrupted him and I ran away from him. My hair was messy, my dress was not properly settled. I was crying, my eyes lost tears. Not even aware of what happened to me, I was devastated.
I decided to share what happened with my parents, but when I went there I asked them to listen, but they ignored me. I was crying and requesting them to listen. They just sent me away by saying to not irritate them. I was alone, with no idea what to say. I decided to keep that with me.
After a few days of that incident, Modit came to me again. I was scared, he gave me paper confessing that he loved me, but I didn't. I was not able to conclude what love exactly was. All I knew was that if we love someone we say I love you and if we don't we say I hate you. I said that I hated him. After that day, my life at school became a nightmare. He became a bully for me, a total bully.
Pushing me from the stairs, pulling my hair, beating me to the exact area where I was already hurt, and many more things. I started to lie, lie about my health so I could not go to school. I was hurt, not just because of what he did to me but also because no one was there to listen to me.
I started to fear not only him but all men. If any man, including my father or brother, touches me, those moments come to my eyes to haunt me. slowly and gradually, he left to bully me, but his behavior always haunts me. I also started to forget what happened. But one thing that did not go away from me was the fear of male touch.
That day, when I saw Modit in front of me after 1 year, I was numb—scared as hell, not from him, but from every boy. I was sitting at my desk. Not feeling good, I put my head down. The break started, but I did not feel like I should go to Aradhana to have lunch. I felt a tap on my shoulder, I opened my eyes and looked back. "Yahan kya baithi hai? Chal" (Why are you siting here, lets go) Aradhana said. I was not okay, not able to hide my tears. My eyes started to get moist. She sat near me, getting that something was wrong. "Hey, relax, what happened? Tell me" She said. Yes, I can tell her. But was afraid of what I didn't know. I decided to stay silent.
After a while, I felt good. We had our lunch and I spent the rest of my day distracting me with studies. I tried to ignore the thing of Modit. But I could not, still, I behaved like everything was okay.
When I went home, I got to know that one of my father's friend's anniversary was on that day, so he invited us to his party. I was happy that after 6 months I could meet Dhruv.
I wore a pink top with butterflies in it, with a matching long skirt. Decided to put my hair open. I went to the party with my parents.
It was a banquet. Beautifully decorated with heart balloons and sparkly lights. But my eyes were finding someone more special. I could not. Distracting myself, I started to have food. After a while, I saw him.
I wanted to talk to him. I went towards him, but before I could catch up to him, he anything went towards the other side. He was talking to someone. I waited for a while.
When I saw him ending the talk, I ran towards him. I called him, but he didn't turn. Thinking that he didn't hear, I again shouted. Once again, no response. Then I ran so that I could be in front of him. When I was, I called him "Hey, I was calling for like 10 minutes, where are lost?" I asked him. But, he just ignored me and went away.
I was standing there, thinking about what just happened. I was feeling pain. In my chest. Thinking that he didn't notice me, I again tried but again his reaction was the same. I was not okay, I was feeling extreme pain in my chest. It was going on for 1 year. He was avoiding me.
I ran towards the washroom. My pain was extreme, I felt that I was short of breath. After a while, I relaxed myself. I came out of the washroom and saw him talking to his friends so happily. I was in pain but his smile made me calm. Still, his ignorance was like a knife, which was stabbing through my heart. I concluded that he just needed time with his friends or maybe he was just irritated by me. I decided to not talk to him a lot after that and soon when he thought that he had time he would talk to me. Unknown to the truth that my life would gonna be change.
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