The Doomed Holiday

5. 'Team Bonding'

"What on Earth is Appelsin Juice?!"

"...Doesn't that just mean 'not apple'?"

"Maybe it's apple juice made by the Devil." [I apologise for the terrible joke.]

"Can you three please focus?" The EU hissed, glaring at her team, "You can probably get the orange juice anywhere; we ought to be more concerned about where we find a model RAF plane in Southern Spain-"

"I'll find it," The UK grimaced, unsure whether to be flattered by Spain's alleged RAF models or whether to take it as creepy. "I can probably get the suncream too."

"Right," Euro nodded, somewhat surprised by the Brit's co-operation. "And I assume you'll be getting the baguettes and pastries, Germany?"

"Ja, I'll be able to find the shop. Maybe..."

"And NATO, the juice, hats, fruit, etc.?"

"Why do I get so much?!"

"They're all going to be in the same shop, you dunce."

"How do you know?!"

"How do I, the European Union, know how shops are laid out in the European Union? That's what you're asking?"

"Hmph... What are you getting then?"

"I'm going to find the currency exchange; UN has asked for each group to take eighty dollars and convert them to Euros for something."

"Perfect," Germany smiled, "And we meet here when we're done?"

"Ja, if NATO and the UK agree."

"That's chill." NATO nodded.

"That should be fine, thank you." Britain agreed, taken aback by NATO's distasteful application of her language.

***

"Let's go in alphabetical order."

"Do you even know the English alphabet."

"Actually, it's called the Latin alphabet, the world doesn't revolve around you."

"Shut up, Commie. I wasn't talking to you."

"So much for teamwork."

As expected, the second team had reached the half-an-hour mark and had achieved a grand total of nothing. Largely, the sheer quantity of in-fighting was to blame for this, however they would each claim it as a result of each other's staggering levels of incompetence.

"Also, why alphabetise it?" China finally asked, turning towards Russia now.

"I don't know. It feels wrong not to."

"...You have OCD?" The US asked, rather surprised by this revelation.

"NO!"

"Are you sure?" China added.

"YES, I'M SURE!"

"Ok thennnn"

"Oh!" America suddenly gasped, grinning at China. "Why don't we make Russia buy everything? I'm sure he'd love to buy those big orange balls!"

"...сука блять. I don't even like oranges."

"I'm surrounded by idiots... And no, we can't make Russia buy everything."

***

"Perfect!" EU grinned, surveying the items bought by her team and scooping them into a sizeable carrier bag two hours later. "Is that everything?"

"Ja," Germany nodded, Britain nodding in response too.

"It should be," NATO smirked, "And since we have some spare cash, can I buy a-"

"No."

"But I haven't even said what!"

"Still no," EU scorned, glaring at him, "It's UN's money, not yours."

"Awh" NATO sighed.

"What do you want so badly anyway?" The UK half-chuckled, amused by her boss's childish nature.

"I found a notebook that says 'places I buried the bodies' on it..."

"I- I want that-"

"Both of you. No." The EU snapped, "I can't believe I'm the only normal one here-"

"What did I do?!" Germany huffed.

"You tried to convince me to make a spicy bratwurst last week-"

"What's wrong a Decembreciner?!"

"YOU ASKED ME TO FEED IT TO AUSTRIA SO HE'D GET DIAHRREA! YOU PSYCHO!"

"...I'm leaving if you don't take that back."

"You wouldn't leave me! ...Would you?"

Sighing, Britain leaned over to Germany, muttering rather ashamedly, "Don't... It's a terrible idea..."

"AWH, YOU MISS ME!" The EU squeaked, smirking smugly, squeezing the mortified nation's arm, "Oh, and you're terrible at whispering."