Love on the Pitch

Resolving:Denial and Desire

Shubman called Ishan multiple times, restless to atleast hear his voice if not being able to see him, the latter never answered any of his phone calls let alone reply to his uncountable texts. Shubman was impatient to return to his regular schedule where he will finally get to see Ishan, apprehensive that the latter might ignore him again but if nothing else he would get to watch him, steal glimpses of him from afar, for now he was just surviving by viewing their old photos and videos, they used to have so much fun.......... Everything collapsed within seconds. Fate has different ways to bring you on your knees, Shubman felt pathetic.

He would feel his stomach anxiously coiling and heart thumping uncontrollably yet dissimilarly whenever he would see Ishan in the pictures or videos, he would stare at him a little longer, sometimes minutes, sometimes hours, he missed him so much that words probably weren't enough to describe.

The thought striked his mind several times to fly directly at Ishan's hometown and meet him but each time he stopped himself thinking it would be too much, also as much it excited him to be thinking of meeting Ishan again, it made him comparatively more nervous. He had even lost his appetite, although, Shahneel made sure that he was well fed and he had to shove the food down his throat on his sister's order despite of reminiscence of Ishan pampering and adoring him kept him full by providing him butterflies, nevertheless, starved him simultaneously, scared of what if things don't go to being normal, his heart would always drop into his stomach by thinking of the possibility.

He couldn't figure out why he had been feeling so much adrenalized lately. Is this how 'love' is suppose to feel like? Shit, the word frightened him. Sometimes adrenaline would rush so high that it would become hard for him to even swallow, his each and every vein jittery.

Sometimes he would find himself unknowingly smiling reminiscing about Ishan and thinking the same outstanding person loves him but then it would instantly sadden him recalling about the dumb reaction he gave to Ishan's confession that day. God forbid, something like this should happen to someone. Embarrassment would sheath him from head to toe as he would hide his face in his palms mentally slapping himself.

Sometimes late at night he would feel absolutely wretched remembering their moments, missing Ishan and longing to have just one peek of him, oh he would trade his soul for it.

God knows what was wrong with him but he had never felt such strong mood swings which was all he had been feeling these past few days.

Sometimes Shahneel would randomly tease him eliciting butterflies in his stomach. Damn these butterflies, he wanted to cage them because he might die if he didn't, he would immediately feel gloomy missing Ishan again. He couldn't take it anymore, sometimes yearning would become so much that tears would involuntarily dribble down his cheeks as he would sob into his pillow, he really needed to get a grip of himself.

Besides, he was somewhat terrified to let this continue further, horror of society judging him lurking within him. The taunts would torment their images to some extent, it might also risk whatever they have achieved so far through their hardwork, nonetheless, he deep down knew that it wasn't wrong to feel like this, you can't choose whom you fall for, wait.... Is he falling? He should shoot himself in the head.

He was acutely aware of what was happening to him, however, fear sidelined with it, it sort of held him back, pushing him into denial a bit, although he would then promptly catch himself red-handed as he would dial Ishan's number and weep into his pillow again being neglected by the latter again, feeling like he had lost a part of himself, which he had because despite of the persisting predicament between them they were each other's bestfriends first, from being attached by the hip to not talking to each other since days obviously did things to them.