Patient B-2

Chapter Thirty-Two: Sophie

After hours of grappling with that confounding layout, my brain reached its breaking point. None of us could reach a consensus on the best course of action, and every path forward seemed fraught with risk. It's beyond frustrating. But what's truly vexing is navigating the complexities of working with Idalia. She's proving to be the greatest challenge of all.

Neither Avalyn nor I would find ourselves in this predicament if it weren't for her. At least, that's the narrative I cling to. Cierien and Wrath, armed with their newfound knowledge, argue that WWA would have targeted Avalyn regardless. But I prefer to lay the blame squarely on Idalia's shoulders. It's easier to channel my anger towards her. If I can pin all the responsibility on the blonde, then I don't have to entertain the notion that she's anything other than despicable.

I overheard her recounting her story to Cierien, and I hated how it made me empathize with her. Undoubtedly, it's one of the reasons why Avalyn was able to maintain their working relationship; she's always been bad at separating someone's past trauma from their present behaviors. But despite that, I can't shake off my grudge. It seems that Cierien and Wrath have abandoned the idea of seeking revenge now that Avalyn is alive, and while I understand their decision, I can't help but feel furious about it.

Idalia deserves to die. She needs to. I don't think I'll ever find happiness until she's six feet under or a pile of ash.

As I navigate the dimly lit streets of New York in search of the 24 hour coffee shop, one of the few comforts I still enjoy, my mind drifts back to all the things I once cherished but now find unbearable. I used to revel in the symphony of human voices- their infectious laughter, animated conversations, and joyful shouts. Yet now, every sound that emanates from a person, especially amidst a bustling crowd, grates on my nerves. It's as if each noise is amplified to an intolerable degree, causing a visceral urge to block it out entirely. Everything feels overwhelming. The constant barrage of auditory stimuli leaves me drained as if I'm perpetually drowning in a cacophony of noise.

Despite the few things I still find pleasure in, I struggle to keep my attention on them, overshadowed by memories of what once brought me joy. It's admittedly a rather pessimistic outlook, but after enduring so much, I feel entitled to wallow in my misery if I choose to.

Even worse, I find myself gripped by an insatiable desire to sink my teeth into the necks of strangers. It doesn't matter if I'm having a simple, pleasant day; the mere scent of blood triggers a primal, feral instinct within me. I used to take pleasure in the ordinary moments of everyday life, but now they only serve to remind me of what I've lost. And for that, I squarely blame Idalia.

I often wonder if Avalyn shares the same sentiments. Yet, deep down, I suspect she's long since forgiven Idalia, perhaps more for her own peace of mind than for the sake of that wretched woman. Avalyn has likely moved forward, discovering new joys and flourishing with her newfound power. Though it's merely conjecture, this realization only serves to fuel my resentment towards her. I yearn to possess Avalyn's seemingly effortless grace-her capacity for forgiveness, her ability to find happiness amidst chaos.

I slip into the cafe, grateful to find my order ready to go. I hadn't wanted to linger among humans for too long; I just needed a momentary escape. I bring the cup to my lips, savoring the familiar bitterness of the espresso. Black coffee has never been my preference, but too much sugar tends to unsettle my stomach.

It appears that vampires possess distinct taste preferences. Idalia and I can appreciate a cup of coffee, while Wrath would promptly reject it upon ingestion and Cierien would begrudgingly tolerate it, though he'd sooner drink his own urine. Both men seem to have a penchant for sweeter fare, enjoying anything sugary enough to induce a toothache. Unfortunately, I've lost my taste for my favorite candies altogether.