the ruins of the day painted with a scar [TOH AU]

im moving past the feeling again

TW: normal zombie au stuff, pregnancy mentions

“Oh God,” Lillith stuttered as she reached for the rifle on the tabletop. “Go get the others! Now!”
She slammed the door open and loaded the gun, ready for the first shot. She heard Amity and Katya screaming out for Steve and Eda to go on the roof, where they're supposed to be. Before she knew it, Darius was beside her on the front porch, knocking down walkers like a balloon at a carnival. Her heart was pounding in her chest for two reasons and two reasons early. One was because the excitement of killing all the walkers was getting to her head, and she wished it was only her knocking them down. The second being because she didn't know where the kids were, and if they were helping or not. They only had eleven guns, which was probably a lot, but only a few of them could shoot a gun. Beside Lilith, only Darius, Eda, Steve, and Hunter could shoot a gun. Well, technically Amity could, but Lilith doesn't know if she really could, or it was just a lucky shot.
The walkers were still coming strong, even after lots of them piled up around the front yard of the house.
“Where the fuck are these things coming from?” Darius breathed under his breath. Lilith turned to meet his eyes just for a slight second. Full of pain and fear, his dark green eyes stared straight ahead as he repeatedly shot the gun.
Lilith turned around as the door slammed open, only for Eda to run out fast. She dashed across the front yard, shooting the walkers as she ran.
“Eda!” Darius shouted out, only for her to ignore. They both worried for the state of Eda, because why would she run into a pit of walkers if not for suicide? But she has King, so it's okay. Soon after, Boscha ran out, running after Eda. Both disappeared behind the walkers and Lilith couldn't tell which was a walker and which was a human amidst the night.
“They went to close the gate, Katya said that she,” Amity began as she stuck her head out the door, “she- she left the damn gate open accidently.”
“Oh, God,” Lilith groaned. She looked out for her sister and the pink haired girl but couldn't find them. Just then, her gun ran out of ammo. “Shit.”
She ran back inside the house, with Darius following since his gun ran out as well. But Darius grabbed a metal pipe and left back outside.
“Lock. It. Now!” He shouted at Lilith.  They shut the front door and locked it, but they could hear the walkers getting closer. Just then, Luz, Amity, and Viney were pushing the large extravagant dining room table down the hall to the front door. They placed it in front of the house along with a variety of heavy items. Lilith urged everyone upstairs where the rest were. Lilith immediately snatched up King and held him close to her as they waited in a small room upstairs.
Three guns were out back, and all but one was out of ammo. The last one was being used by Steve on the roof. Lilith mentally counted all the people in the room, but her eyes skipped one.
“Where's Hunter?” Lilith panicked as she realized her nephew wasn't there.
“He's up on the roof with Steve and Matt,” Camila responded. In her arms were Vee and Masha. Masha hadn't spoken a word at all the entire time and they were easily forgotten. Luz sat behind a crying Amity, who repeatedly said “It's my fault, if I hadn't killed my mom, they would've seen the open gate, I'm sorry.”
“Does anyone have a knife?” Lilith asked. She lost hers during their attack on their hill. Katya shoved hers in her hand, and Lilith left the room. She ran to the closest room and opened a window, sliding down the edge. The gate seemed to have closed, but there were still a shitload of walkers. There were no more gunshots, so she assumes there were no more ammo. She saw Darius, Steve, Hunter, Eda, Boscha, and Matt bashing the heads with whatever they could find: pipes, rocks, the butt of a gun, a wrench, and a pocket knife.
Lilith jammed the knife into the socket of one, slightly curved up to reach the brain. With five people taking out about fifty walkers, they were done pretty quickly. Lilith shoved the last knife into the cold body of a walker, and it hit the ground with a muffled thud. She stared at the ground for a bit, then her blood-ridden hands.
“Lily…” Darius walked up Lilith with an old nickname from their youth. Lilith's eyes quickly narrowed as she brushed past him. She went up to check on the kids to see if they were okay. Hunter didn't allow her to get close to him, and Steve checked Matt, so that left Boscha. The first thing she noticed was her wide eyes filled with guilt and pain. Within the blood down the neck, Lilith saw it: the chunk of flesh missing from her neck.
“Oh my God,” Lilith backed away from Boscha. She didn't know how long it took for them to turn, as most people she knew who got bitten were pulled apart by their inner organs.
“No, please, don't kill me,” Boscha fell to her knees and started to sob. “I don't want to die….please! I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.”
The others outdoors surrounded Lilith as they saw what Lilith saw. Blood gushed out Boscha's neck as she started to lose strength. Hunter held his pocket knife to her forehead as she stayed in the same position, accepting her fate. With tears streaming down her face, she nodded.
“Please tell Amity I'm sorry. I'm really sorry,” Boscha whispered.
“I will,” Hunter said coldly as he quickly shoved the knife in her brain. Steve turned away the moment it went, disgusted by the sight of the killing of a little girl. A little gasp eroded from her mouth as she fell limp. Her body fell to the ground with a thud. Hunter pulled out the knife and wiped it on his shirt. Lilith turned away and started to head back to the house with Eda. They walked silently side by side.
Amity didn't take the news very well. She sobbed even more when Lilith broke the news to her, clinging onto Lilith like the mother she never had. As everyone tried to go on with their night, Lilith had something to say to a certain someone.
“What the fuck were you doing outside the gate today?” Lilith accused Katya as she barged into her room. She was cleaning her knife while Steve wiping the blood off himself.
“Lilith, we were just making a supply run-”
“I didn't ask you, I asked Katya,” Lilith gritted her teeth. Katya looked at Lilith as if she were a murderer. She shut her eyes and spat out words.
“I promise you, Steve and I…we left for a supply run. I simply just forget to close the gate and I'm sorry,” she said. It was partly true, but Lilith didn't believe it.
“Lilith?” Eda poked her head inside the small room with King by her side. Lilith stayed angry as she shouted for Eda to leave. “I am not leaving until you explain what's going on.”
“Katya left the damn gate open!” Lilith threw her hands up in the air. Steve immediately stood up to defend Katya, coming up with even more excuses.
“Leave the girl alone, Lily. It was an accident,” Eda defended Katya.
“A girl died. You were there, Edalyn, just listen to me!”
“She's pregnant.”
Lilith turned to Steve, who's expression turned to a gentle touch. Lilith's harsh expression softened as she took in the words Steve spoke. She turned to Katya who stared at the floor, then to Eda.
“Oh,” Lilith sighed, realizing her mistake.
“We went out the gate because- Because she wanted a pregnancy test to triple check,” Steve explained. “And it was positive.”
Now Lilith was furious. It was already stressful to manage over everyone at the size of the group, now there was going to be an addition just because one couldn't keep her legs shut? Lilith stormed out the room without saying anything.
She really needed to think. Her mind fumbled with thoughts as she came to another realization of her actions. She wasn't a good leader, if she even was considered a leader. Just another know it all that was bossy and an asshole.

We love a self aware queen 😍 👑 🙏
Ok sorry for like not posting. I had a shitty week at school and I meant to update all my stories last wee but I didn't. so sorry about that
title from the song "The Suburbs" by Arcade Fire