Young

20 - Motherhood

I reached out to as many neighbors as I could and started building relationships. This was a monumental effort for me but I forced myself to do it.

There was a woman just a couple doors down who became one of my very best friends, Janet Moretti.

She was married and a couple years older, with two boys. She reminded me of Annette with her bubbly personality and common sense. I often helped her with the kids which had me longing to have a child of my own.

On a hot summer day, while we were sipping lemonade, I took a chance and told Janet everything about my past, praying that she didn't think I was crazy. She listened intently and never interrupted, nodding periodically, and taking a keen interest in everything I said.

When I finished, she pondered for a moment and said, "It's unusual that Annette's remains were never found. You say you've never felt the same since you survived the storm. Can you describe in what way?"

I shook my head thoughtfully and said, "Of course I was emotionally and mentally drained but there was also the way I felt physically. There was just a real intense sensation. It was either extreme pleasure or unbelievable pain, I can't say which. I wasn't the same person after that, I'm sure of it. It felt like someone had turned me inside out, or taken my body apart and put it back together...differently. It's so hard to explain."

I think she believed me.

"Janet, you're the first girlfriend I've told about that horrific part of my life. I feel so relieved!"

"You've been through so much, hun."

"I'd really appreciate it if we could keep this just between us," I said with pleading eyes.

"Your secret is completely safe with me and if you ever need to talk about it again, Veronica, I'm always here for you."

On August 4, 1966 we had a child and named her Beth. Blake was such a proud dad and would have been right there with me in the delivery room had he been allowed.

I finally convinced myself that Randolph didn't exist and that Annette was killed by wild animals. I guess the thought that there might actually be someone like Randolph still out there in the world was too much for me to bear and besides, I hadn't heard anything about a Soviet threat to poison our lakes from anyone else.

Taking care of an infant had its challenges but the rewards outweighed them. My girlfriends from the neighborhood would fawn over her nearly every day.

Thank God for Janet. She guided me through the dos and don'ts of infant care. I don't know what I would have done without her advice.

Mom came and helped for awhile but there were still periods of grief that overtook her. She never said so but I sensed deep down inside she still blamed me in part for Dad's death.

I was too busy to think about my past. My life, right now, was exciting and wonderful.

Three years passed quickly into the summer of 1969. I didn't have time to pay much attention to the cultural changes going on but they were enormous! The only way I can describe the way teens dressed was sloppy. Girls traded their skirts and dresses in for pants and wore them for almost any event. They might as well have been boys.

The war in Vietnam was ripping the country to shreds and Blake went on nightly rants.

"If these hippies don't support the military, why don't they just leave? Veronica, I'm telling ya, no one is forcing them to stay! I bet I know what your father would have said. These hippies...no respect for the country, flag, or anything!"