Sweet Nothing - Tayvis Oneshots

What Should've Been You

TW: Mentions of pregnancy loss

A/N: I had originally written this last year for a different pairing while I was trying to process some of my own feelings, but decided to change a few things around to make it a Tayvis fic! I hope you guys enjoy!

The end of July hits Taylor like a freight train every year. She can usually feel it coming, starting with the steady increase in anxiety around the 4th, and edging more and more into a depressive episode as the month progresses. And despite being able to feel it coming, there's nothing she can do to stop it. She simply has to ride it out, knowing it'll all be over in a few weeks.

Her first summer with Travis is no different. She first notices the familiar rumbling of anxiety while they're hosting her yearly 4th of July party. Their friends and family are all around; she can see Jack and Jason in the middle of an extremely competitive game of volleyball and Austin is busy chatting with Patrick about a movie they had both seen recently. Travis is further down the beach, making small sandcastles and laughing as Kylie helps Bennett smash them with her chubby little feet. Taylor tries to shake off the feeling, turning back to the table of snacks and making sure nothing needed to be refilled.

By the time everyone has gone home a few days later, there's no denying that the anxiety was sticking around. She reluctantly booked an extra session with her therapist and refilled her medication, accepting that she needed some help to get through the rest of the month. She debates talking to Travis about how she's feeling, but the words just seem too hard to get out. Instead, she busies herself in her work, scheduling extra studio time with Jack and staying up far too late plunking away at the piano. Travis notices how hard she's working, but brushes it off, figuring this is just how Taylor gets when she's in her creative flow.

As the month continues, Travis starts to worry. Taylor has been in the studio all day every day, and he can't remember the last time she got a full night's sleep. Most nights, Travis finds her in the music room in middle of the night, making a vague excuse about not being able to sleep and wanting to use the time productively.

The days continue the same way, with Taylor working way too hard and not getting even close to enough sleep, while Travis tries desperately to get her to relax and get some rest. It all comes to a head at the end of the month, when he wakes up in the middle of the night to find Taylor in the midst of a nightmare, her entire body flushed in a cold sweat. Travis gently wakes her, careful not to startle her or make the situation worse. Taylor is immediately embarrassed as she realizes what happened, her cheeks flushing as she stumbles to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Travis feels helpless as he sits on the floor outside the bathroom, waiting for Taylor to either come out or let him come in. When he hears sobbing on the other side of the wall, he goes against his better judgment and grabs the key from its place atop the doorframe and lets himself into the small bathroom, wrapping Taylor in his arms and allowing her to bury her face into his chest.

They sit like this for what feels like an eternity, Taylor's sobs gradually slowing into the occasional sniffle. Eventually she clears her throat and stands up, stopping to splash some water on her face before wordlessly returning to the bedroom. Travis follows, confused, and climbs into bed next to her. Taylor once again wraps herself in Travis's arms before taking a deep breath and letting it all out.

Once she starts talking, she can't stop. She tells him everything, about leaving Joe, about finding out she was pregnant a few months later, all of the complications and challenges she faced on her own, and ultimately about the abrupt way it all ended on that fateful July afternoon just a few years ago. By the time she finishes, both her and Travis are crying, wrapped in a tight embrace.

"Oh Tay, I'm so sorry," Travis coos, "When's her... birthday probably isn't the right word..."

"I like birthday," Taylor sniffles, "It's tomorrow. July 29th."

Taylor is surprised to wake up the next morning to see Travis still asleep next to her. A quick glance at her phone reveals it's after 8:00, which means Travis should have left for his training session already. She had taken the day off from writing, knowing from experience that she would most likely spend the entire day in bed watching cheesy movies, but Travis was supposed to have a full day of workouts and drills with the rest of the team. He began to stir as Taylor continued waking up, letting out a long yawn before opening his arms to pull her closer. She gently woke him, worried that he was going to get in trouble for coming in late.

"Trav, honey. You're late for practice, you need to wake up now," she urged, gently rocking his shoulder.

"Hmm. I took the day off," Travis mumbled sleepily.

"What? You can't just skip practice," Taylor asked.

"I called Coach last night and told him I needed to use a personal day. I'm not leaving you today."

Taylor couldn't lie, it was really nice having Travis around to keep her distracted. They started with coffee out on the patio together, and then came back inside for a movie marathon. Travis was careful to follow Taylor's lead, not wanting to push her to talk if that wasn't going to be helpful, but also wanting to make sure she felt like she could if she wanted to. But after lunch, when Taylor had fallen asleep again, the exhaustion of the past few weeks finally catching up to her, Travis felt like he had to do something. He scrawled out a quick note before heading to the store.

Taylor woke up a few hours later to the smell of her favorite soup simmering in the kitchen. She felt a bit more rested than she had before her nap, but the ache of fatigue still hung deep in her bones. She was just about to get up and look for Travis when there was a knock at the bedroom door. He let himself in quietly, holding something behind his back. As Taylor sat up, he revealed the small box from the bakery down the street, a beautiful pink cupcake inside. He sat down next to her on the bed, placing the cupcake onto Taylor's lap.

"You said you call this a birthday, so I wanted to get something to say Happy Birthday to uhh..."

"Lily"

"Beautiful. Happy Birthday, Lily."