You said Forever and Always

Chapter 15

Naina

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow

During our rural postings, Advik paid me a surprise visit one weekend. Our group had ventured on a hike to Kailasagiri hills. Upon Advik's insistence, we lingered behind after sunset. He had always been a bit of a risk taker.

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called Yellow

He was singing as I lay on the picnic mat, gazing at the stars. We were just friends back then, but it had always felt like much more.

So then I took my turn
Oh, what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

All the songs we sang together confused me. They were romantic songs. We would look into each other's eyes, to harmonize with the music. Sometimes I felt like he meant it. I knew I did.

Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know, you know I love you so

We weren't practicing a new song, he wasn't performing. Was he just singing, or was he singing to me?

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh, what a thing to do
'Cause you were all yellow

I looked at him. He was looking at me. I felt like he was talking to me, saying all those words we weren't allowed to say.

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh, what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

He did draw a line. He never lost control around me, no matter what he felt or I felt. We could never happen, and he knew that. He never crossed that line.

We should have stayed friends. We should never have crossed that line.

I didn't know where I was or how I got there. I had just wanted to get away. But how do you get away from the stars? He had shone so bright, and I felt like nothing next to him. Had I taken away his light?

We were in South Goa. We had been dancing in the moonlight, surrounded by couples. We weren't a couple. At least not yet.

He kissed me for the first time. It was everything I had imagined it would be: the tickle of his breath against my face, the softness of his lips on mine, our bodies touching while he sucked softly on my lips. I felt nothing but him, his love.

I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. I was his, and he was mine. Forever.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have," he said softly, looking tense, worried.

"Adi, I love you," I whispered.

He shook his head. "You've never been close to a guy before me. This is lust, not love."

I should have let it end right then and there. But I hadn't. We should have stayed best friends. I wouldn't have hurt him, he wouldn't have hurt me. And I wouldn't have lost him.

"I love you too. But if we stay best friends, no matter what happened, you'd always be in my life," he let out a week later. We stood at a secret spot behind the library. He twirled my hair with his fingers. "If we went out, I'd hurt you or fuck it up somehow, and I'd lose you. I can't lose you, Nia. You are everything to me. I'll die if you aren't in my life."