Taylor Swift gxg imagines

mother's day 🤍

todays a hard day for me and ik it is for a lot of people. sending all the love to anyone struggling today 🤍

you and taylor were getting ready to go to her mom's house. you spent mother's day with taylor's family every year since you are no contact with your mom. you usually felt content and fine around mother's day, but this year was different. this year, you've really started to accept that you'll never have a relationship with your mom. she already wasn't there your whole childhood, and no matter how hard you've tried, she won't be here for your adulthood either.

while you and taylor were getting ready, you started hyperventilating. you felt a panic attack starting, tears stinging your eyes.

"what's going on love?! breathe, it's ok"

she held your hands and guided you to the bed, sitting down with you. you started crying while taylor held your shaking body. she stroked your back and your arms, trying to get you to calm down.

"shh shh. it's ok"

she whispered. once your breathing steadied, you started talking, but you immediately started choking up.

"i- i can't"

"you can't what, darling?"

"i can't- i can't go to your moms house and see you be with her-"

your breathing became ragged as all of your word vomit poured out.

"i can't see you hug her and- and see her tell you she loves you and see her say nice things to- to you and see you give her presents i- i can't do it anymore"

you started sobbing once you finished. she pulled you close to her chest, you sobbing into her, soaking her shirt. she rubbed her hands along your back as you let everything out. she slowly rocked you side to side, trying to comfort you.

"it's- it's so unfair"

"i know, my love"

you closed your eyes, relaxing.

"i'm so envious of you. i'd do anything to buy my mom nice presents, but i can't because she doesn't deserve it. i wish i had a normal relationship with her. it sucks seeing everyone have something i know i'll never have. i tried so hard to have a relationship with her, i really did. i can't see you and your mom be close knowing all my mom did was abuse me. what'd i do to deserve that?"

"you didn't do anything. it's not your fault you got the short end of the stick"

"i wish she'd at least apologize. she never did. she fucked me up so bad. i can't even see you with your mom. i can't see anyone with their mom. i feel physically sick, like i'm gonna throw up. i get so angry at you and everyone else for having a mom. i push you away because i'm so jealous of you, you don't deserve that. i can't change her, and if she won't change then i can never have a relationship with her. it's too late anyway, she knows how i feel. and she still hasn't apologized. it's like she doesn't even think she did everything wrong. she called me crazy, you know? when i told her about how she'd abuse me, she acted like i made everything up. she's the reason i have mental disorders, she's the reason my brain is permanently disabled. she doesn't even care"

she didn't say anything, she didn't know what to say. she just nodded and kissed your head, holding you tightly.

idk just a little trauma dump moment!! anyways here's my fav mommy issues lyrics from so long, london (my fav mommy issues song)

i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free
you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it. my white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment
every breath feels like rarest air
you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days. AND IM JUST. GETTING. COLOR. BACK. INTO MY FACE. IM JUST MAD AS HELL CAUSE I LOVED THIS PLACE.
CRYINGGG THAT WRECKS ME HOLY FUCKING SHIT
also tsmwel "you deserve prison but you won't get time"
also robin is so mommy issues coded for me because it's everything i don't have yk. like robin is about protecting this child's innocence and my mom didn't even try to protect shit LMAO