3 AM and I'm still awake - Part 3

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3. I'm a real tough kid

They are both awake but neither will admit it. Well, Travis isn't admitting it and she is willing to play along for now. She knows firsthand how hard it is sometimes to acknowledge your weaknesses.

She feels the bed dip as he slowly turns, back to her, and hears his sharp intake of breath at the movement. She decides she's let enough time go by letting him deal with this in his own way.

"Trav," she whispers, turning to run her hand across his back.

"Go back to sleep, Tay. I'm good," he counters.

She rolls her eyes and scoots closer, lining up to his back and putting her arms fully around him as best she can. He is a very large little spoon but she wants to offer him some of the comfort she feels in this position with him surrounding her.

"We don't have to do this," she says.

"Do what?"

"Pretend," she clarifies. "You and me, we don't ever have to pretend, remember?"

He sighs and reaches up his hand to her arm splayed across his chest, wrapping his fingers around her forearm and holding on.

"I'm not. Or maybe...I'm not trying to. Just how I deal with this sometimes," he answers truthfully.

"The pain?" she clarifies.

"Yeah, I pretend it's not there. If I don't think about it, then the rest of it isn't there either."

She knows he means all the feelings that come up from it. The knowledge that this is getting harder every year. That it is creeping up on him that he won't be able to play forever.

"I get that, I do. Maybe more than you realize, but I also know that pretending it's not there is making it worse right now."

He blows out a breath, "You're right."

She kisses the back of his neck and doesn't say anything. She's not pushing him on this to prove she's right. Simply to make sure they address the problem so he can sleep.

"It hurts," he finally admits, letting the pain show in his voice. It breaks her heart but she feels they can now start to do something to address it.

"Where?"

He huffs out a laugh, "Everywhere. But my hip and ankle mostly. This fucking ankle will not get better."

She sits up, "Do you need painkillers?"

"No, I took them."

"Then what helps?"

"Ice."

She starts to push back the covers and says, "Okay, then let me go."

"I can do it," he argues.

"Nope, I'm on it," she states sternly. She turns on the bedside light and he turns his head to look at her. She can see how miserable he is. She runs her hand across his forehead which is tight with the tension of pain.

"You don't-"

Taylor cuts him off with a hand. "Baby, I'm doing it."

She heads downstairs and grabs a few ice packs from the freezer, stopping for towels on the way back.

He is still on his side when she comes into the room, and she realizes this must be the position he has the least amount of pain.

"Tell me where to put them," she says and he points out where. Once he's set, she climbs back into bed but on the side he normally sleeps on so she can see him properly.

"What else?" she asks, knowing that wasn't everything.

His expression softens when he realizes she is on to him. That she now knows him well enough to know his tells.

"I jammed my fingers, but there isn't much to do for that," he shares, showing her his taped fingers.

She gently grasps his hand and brings the hurt fingers to her lips to kiss carefully.

"Mmm, there is one thing."

He relaxes a bit at her kiss.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be."

"You didn't sign up to be a nurse," he argues.

"No, I signed up to be your partner," she returns. "This is part of that, Travis. Like you don't take care of me all the time?"

"I know, it's just-" he stops himself.

"What?"

She can tell he's struggling with putting into words what the issue is.

"I'm supposed to be this tough football player," he replies. He rolls his eyes so she knows he understands that is bullshit. "But I just...I have been the one taking care of myself. I'm used to it."

"I know you are."

"It's just hard to let that go."

"You have been the one to look out for you. Just like I have for me. You always will. I just joined in too, Trav. Now we take care of each other, yeah?"

He smiles and pushes some of her hair from her face. "Yeah, we can do that."

"Good, now how is the ice helping?"

"It feels better."

"Think you can sleep?"

He twists a little, feeling out his side. "Maybe, I think so."

"Okay, I'll set an alarm to get some more ice in a couple of hours."

She sees him start to object but then stops himself and responds. "Okay, I'll take more medicine then if it's still as bad as it was."

"Good." She reaches across to turn out the light and tucks close to his side but not touching. He pulls her hands in and holds them over his heart.

"Thank you, sweetie."

"Always, Travis." 

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