TOUCH

I DON'T CARE

I don't care about the raging war. So when you ask me to pick sides, show me evidence of dying lives, I'll tell you I'm not political, and block the rest of those children's cries.

I'll watch videos on my phone about everything comedic, and everything aesthetic, and everyone with privilege. But I'll wonder what privilege truly is, if on the other end of the world, luxury is being alive enough to breathe.

I don't want to care. I want to view the world the way the rest of the world does. Like a nihilist.

I don't want to feel like a villain for scrolling to a less heart wrenching video. I want to pretend it's just a movie on the screen, and not someone else's reality.

Please. Teach me how not to care.

Their pain burdens me. How is it that in order to provide you with empathy, I have to ask you to imagine it were your brother, or your nephew, or your child. Is it not enough that it happens to that of another being? If I have to go to those lengths in order to evoke any empathy in you, then the Human is missing in your human brain.

Guilt consumes me when I speak of Gaza, because I feel like yet another one of those who speak of it for likes, or attention and followers. To be told they're saints, heros, allies to those lucky enough to have lived.

I've lost faith in the God that watched His people die, watched the people that killed them, and then watched the people that heard their cries, because He does what you did and what I did. Nothing.

I pray that the human in you is like the Human in me, and is so consumed with care that it hurts too much. And it hurts so much that it became numb. And it was so numb, that you just didn't care.

Because what does it help to just care? Will it bring back lives? Will it bring back homes? Will it replace the hearts of the perpetrators with the one of yours that care?

I can grieve, I can share, but it won't help. So I don't care.
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An: I was feeling alot today. I realized that I had been ignoring alot of posts regarding the genocide, and then for some reason I stopped ignoring them, and I watched them, and it destroyed me. I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anything I can do, I don't even know if this helps. But maybe out there there's someone like me who just feels like its better to just ignore it because then it affects them less. I don't want to believe the world is so selfish that it just doesn't care. Rather that it's just afraid to care. Sharing the message doesn't feel like enough, but maybe it makes even a wee bit of a difference.