believe

16. our own issues

"Are you alright, darling?" I asked as Beca started to zone out. She nodded, staring blankly at the floor and biting her lip. "Bec, sweetie, are you sure? You've seemed a bit..off since we saw Jesse."

She almost flinched at the mention of his name. "I guess I'm just a bit shaken up. I finally thought I'd moved on, the nightmares were less frequent. Then he showed up and they came back."

I took her hand and squeezed it gently. "Well, if you ever want to talk, I'm here."

"I'm okay. How are you feeling about the..assault?" She asked. I looked away and started playing with my hair to focus. "Uh..it's a part of my life, that's for sure. But I just..I want to move on. It's so much harder than I thought. I already had enough respect for victims, but now I genuinely can't understand how so many people cope so well and I tried to..." My voice began to trail off as tears started falling. Beca moved closer and hugged me. "I'm sorry, babe. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, no. It's fine. You just wanted to know how I felt. I'd do the same for you. But..I have to learn how to talk about my feelings otherwise we'll have a repeat of..that." I muttered. Beca rested her head on my shoulder and nodded. "Well, if that's what you want. You don't have to do it though, I know it makes you uncomfortable. I only want you to be there for me and the babies. And Charlie. If we have to go through Hell and back, I'm ready for it. Just for you to stay and get to see our twins growing up. That would be enough, baby." She smiled. I kissed her forehead gently before laying down. Beca shuffled backwards and lay her head on my chest, one hand intertwined with mine and the other hand on her stomach. "I love you. And I promise I'll try to get better for you, Beca."

"You don't have to do it for me, Chlo. Do it for yourself, because that's more important. As long as you're okay, then so am I. And I know we've had a pretty shit few years, which isn't at all fair on either of us, but atleast we can say we tried our best when we come out of the other side. Like, I can tell our kids I survived a major car accident. And you can tell them you went through the lowest point of your life and lived to tell the story. It's pretty impressive stuff. So when you think about it, there is a silver lining."

"Babe, I didn't go through all this just to show off to our kids." I laughed. Beca giggled and nodded. "I know. I didn't exactly intend to get nearly killed by my ex best friend and...my first kid's dad. It wasn't the top of my bucket list. At all." She muttered. "Yeah. There's not really a silver lining though. I mean, we both nearly died. You..lost your baby. I was practically disowned by my parents and it was so bad that I had a suicide attempt. Our lives have been awful. But atleast we have one thing to look forward to." I said. I sat up and Beca frowned. "What are you doing Chloe?" She asked.

I leaned forward and kissed her baby bump. Beca smiled and cupped my cheek with her hand. "You're adorable, babe." She smiled.

"Not as cute as you." I replied. Beca pouted and sat up. "I'm not cute! Gosh, when are you gonna learn that I'm not cute." She muttered. I laughed and kissed her cheek. "Okay then, you're pretty fucking hot." Beca grinned and sat up. "Don't do this to me, Chlo."

"Do what?" I innocently asked. Beca groaned and took my hand. "I've been starved of sex for months, Chlo, and you just said I was pretty fucking hot." She husked.

I shifted nervously and bit my lip. "Beca, I'm really sorry but..I just can't."

Beca nodded and forced a small smile. "I know. That's fine. I'll wait until you're ready." She said sweetly. I kissed her cheek softly as she ran her hand through her hair. "It's a good job I love you, isn't it?" She joked.

I laughed and nodded. "I love you too, baby."