Reminisce and Strengthen, My Butterfly

Chapter 4

We open a piece of paper on our respective beds to see that we.........

PASSED.

Of course we did. I look at miranda to see her with a huge goofy smile on her face. We really owe it to each other to motivate ourselves to do the things the other didn't like.

"Mel, the man we saw today"

I visibly flinched at the memory

"Is he the one you told me about. The one for whom you feel feelings for, which you can't explain"

"Feel feelings?" I ask with raised eyebrows
"You know what I mean"

yeah I do

"Yes, he is."

"Does he know about your past. Was it something unpleasant. That would explain you at the...."

" Slow down Mir, yes he knows and "

I tell Miranda all that has happened. After which she looked upset and angry as well

"I don't believe it. You are someone who is cold but caring, you cherish everything you receive, you work hard and you almost never get angry and and...."

"Mir calm down, deep breath"

" See this is exactly what I mean. He talked about you like you were some kind of irredeemable monster which you are not"

"You didn't see the expression on his face when he said that Mir. He looked at me with so much love and guilt. But also fear of letting me in again.
And the way he said I'm better off without my memories was just."

"So what"
"Mir"
"Are you going to give up on getting your memories back?"

I remain silent. To be honest I'm scared. What if I can't accept my past self? What if I really was how he thought of me. What if I really am better off without my memories and can be a better person.
"You can't be serious"
"I want to see him. I really need to give him a peace of my mind"

I couldn't help it. I smiled. She's just my complete opposite. I mentally promise myself to protect and cherish this part of her's.

"Let's get some sleep Mir. It's been a long day."
"But"
"No buts. We don't even know his name, leave alone his room"
"-"
She knows I'm right . She doesn't like it though.
After a few more rebuttals later, she eventually gives in and joins me in calling it a day.
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"Am I important to you"
"Callum... please just"

"No melody, Cant you see that what you are doing is not fair to me"

"I would choose you Mel, over everything, over the world even. And i want you to do the same for me. Is that really so much to ask"

"Cal love, I want to, I really do but"
"But you can't can you. What's so great about him Mel. That you choose him over me every time. I love you more than he possible ever could, even if he starts now. And he won't"

"You are nothing but his pawn Mel. Maybe even a sword but thats it."

"Its not about him cal. This is between my sense of responsibility towards him and my love for you. How could you ask of me to choose cal. You can't ask a girl to choose between one's brother and her lover"

"we've always had our differences but those are just that. You can't do this to me Callum. I love you. With all my heart and soul I do. But there are a few things which i just cant give up on"

"Is us one of them"

"Wha what?"
"Is our love one of the things you can give up on then"

"No. NO how could you say that"

"Then make it. Cause I will"

"Cal" I whispered.
"I can't spend my life with someone who doesn't put me first"

"And if you don't, I will find myself someone who will, even if it means putting our past behind me. I deserve much better than you anyway"

I could feel my heart breaking right now, I know I can't choose him. But am I that easily replaceable? I may not have put him first, but i put my all into our relationship. I loved no one as much as I loved him. Am I really asking something so selfish?
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I open my eyes slowly and look around me to realize it's still dark.

Beside me miranda was peacefully sleeping. I get off the bed and take a step towards the mirror.

A sweat drenched girl with tears on her face greeted me. She looked exactly like how I felt right now. There was so much despair and anguish inside of me, that of which I cannot even begin to describe. This is worse than how I feel most days.

And I still can't remember what I dreamed about.

I walk to the window to steal a glimpse at the moon. I stand there collecting my thoughts for a moment longer after which I go down on my knees. And I pray. Pray with all my heart that I heal, that I get back the memories which I lost, and that I am not in pain any longer.

"Please if there is a God out there. Please answer my prayers."

I felt warm arms surrounding me in the second I needed them the most. Miranda's.

The voice in the back of my head says those hands do not belong to whom I desire. But I don't care. I welcome the embrace and cherish them. I wish to stay in them however long I can.

I feel sleep lulling to me in that instant. And I just know it's going to be my 1st peaceful night of sleep since a very very long time.