Reminisce and Strengthen, My Butterfly

Chapter 11

"Melody"

I open my eyes to find myself sitting on the floor with Mir trying to wake me up. And I feel like. Well I can't even begin to describe. Many emotions were swirling in my heart and having a competition as to who should sit on the pedestal.

I feel guilty, devastated, disgusted, self loathe , hatred, ......
"Mel, where were you all night. What happened. Melody?"

Oh. Guess I didn't come back to my room last night. I spent it walking in the garden with no sense of direction. But it helped me gather my thoughts. Beneath the sandstorm of emotions I knew what I had to do.
I decided on 3 things
1. Whatever I'm feeling, Callum must be feeling ten fold because I did it to him. There's no time for self pity
2. I promised myself I'll live to atone for what I did. So I should. If I can't do it beside him then I'll do it from the shadows.
3. I won't let my emotions get in the way. Meaning I would have to kill my affection and love for him even if it means killing a part of myself.

Each of them is really hard to do. But I must. For myself and for him. Sound really easy when I think of it. But to put it to practice.

Well, Considering my hatred for myself bubbling up inside me and my hope at the back of my mind that he might change his decision are lingering.
Or rather should I say taking up my entire mind.....

More than those, doubt about whether or not I did cheat on him keeps popping into my head. I would never do that definitely not to him.

But from the first day I met him without me telling him anything,he knew what I liked, what I would choose, what I can't go without doing, everything.

Someone who put so much effort in getting to know me since before I can remember, why would he lie or feel pain as he is, if he's lying?

"Melody" Miranda screamed into my ears
I didn't say anything. I'm giving her silent treatment for what happened. I got up and walked out of there.

I took a cold water bath and ate breakfast by myself. Miranda and Alex sat separately. She didn't approach me either. Thank god she didn't.

Last night wasn't her fault. I know that. But that won't stop all the harsh things I would say to her and regret later. So the next best thing is to stay away and stay quiet.

Our ceremony would take place in the evening.
I was ranked 1st, Callum 2nd and surprisingly third place was a tie but Miranda decided to give up hers for Alex. Let's just say Alex wasn't pleased with that.

I felt a pat on my shoulder. I knew who it was.
"Mel can we go for a tour around the main shrine one last time. I know you're gonna come back but I won't. Please."

I didn't want to. I wanted her to leave. Please just go...

"Please. I'm sorry. So please" her voice shook towards the end. Was she scared that I'll leave her because of last night? Of course not. I just need time to cool off.

I turn around to see tears in her eyes. Her shoulders were trembling. She looked like she'll break any moment now. And I just cooled off looking at her.

I still didn't want to speak to her though.

I got up picking up my plate. She looked like she was getting ready to run out when I held her hand and dragged her with me to the tub to put our dirty plates in.

After that I think she got the message.

I started walking with her silently following behind me. I felt nostalgic as I walked through the place. In my 2 and a half years of life this was the most memorable.

We take a turn to run straight into the pope.

"May the light be your will to show you your way" he greeted us
We chorused back.

"Would it be alright if I take up some of your time, ladies."
"No"
"Then, follow me if you will"

"Do the two of you wish to know why our empire is different than many other?"

"Because after nature took its course and mankind was created. One man wanted something different than most"

"He devoted himself to learning as much as he could to find a way to meet God again. And he did. For his efforts God asked him to choose his reward"

"Having gained so much knowledge in his journey he asked for
1. people not to age but return back to the you when time comes
2. Extend the time given for people to return to you
3. Please play your hand in choosing a wise successor and 8 people who serve him and not leave it up to fate like the rest of your creations."

"Isn't he asking for too much" asked Miranda.
"I've seen the people of other kingdoms. For them what we have is a blessing we can't even comprehend"

"Then can you guess why the eternal master granted him his wish"

"Because he asked
for people not to age but not to get rid of pain.
for extension, not for immortality.
Most  importantly  for assistance and not for independence form his rule. Humbly at that" I said

"Which means?"

"Even though what he asked for, was way too much, he never went beyond. He had not asked for himself but for his people"

"Yes. And that is how taevaria empire was made"

"But.."
"Yes child."
"It's still too much" Miranda said

To this the pope just chuckled.

"Please tell me. Our empire is hundreds of centuries years old. How come no other empire knows our secret or waged wars to steal what's ours?" Miranda asked

"Tell me child, how many years do the people in the 6th circle live."
"Less than a century"
"And the people of our neighbouring empire"
"Almost the same. Though we can take away a few years" she says softly. She understood

"The other empire knows us as a kingdom who don't age but die at the same time they do. In fact most envy us for obvious reasons but some of them even pity us saying that even though we don't suffer as much pain as they do, at least they know when they will move on"

"They are not wrong." Miranda agreed

"That's what he bargained away when he wished. He took away our pain but also our certainty."

I don't get it?

This time the pope looked at me and said

"Let's say you have a child Melody. She goes out to play like any other day but she doesn't come back home.  You would think what any other parent would think. She must have lost her way."

"After hours of searching, you find someone who tells you that your daughter has gone, moved on. You may not trust him cause he has no proof, the body just vanishes when it's time after all. You may live denying its occurrence but it had happened. And you. You wait. Hoping for her to return."

"But the worst is that you have no way of remembering her neither can you properly mourn for her."

"God gave us so much but took away our meaning of existence. Why would one want to live if we just disappear one day. And.If we see this happening around us everyday we would loose our will to survive."

"Yes if we see people mourning for us, some of us would want to live to the fullest so someone would remember them by. If the living see the dead vanish like dust...."

"Now do you understand the weight of what was taken children?"

"Yes,we do"

"There is also one other thing. Think wisely. You already know the answer. It's just need to click."

"They say a human finds beauty and cherishes most the parts of nature not of which is easily available but that of which is rare or hard to attain"

"If one lives for too long they forget their reason for living. What our predecessors cherished we can not. Remember this always and do your homework " he said before he left leaving us pondering.
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