Reminisce and Strengthen, My Butterfly

Chapter 10

We walk through the gardens slowly cherishing the feeling of doing so. The flowers under the moon's light was breathtakingly beautiful. I could stay forever in this moment.

"Melody?"

"Hmm"

"Why don't you go ahead to that music room. I want to stay longer looking at the flowers. Is that okay?" she asked hesitantly..

"Sure, I can play for you anytime" I say as I stroke her hair.

As I walk, I feel nostalgic. It's been 6 months and I'm already so attached. Well maybe it's been longer since I don't remember.

Well, I'll be back here soon anyway. I have every intention to spend my life here. Just as I was exiting the garden I see Callum standing there.

"Hey" he said softly
"Hi. What are you doing here" I ask
"Alex dragged me here saying he wanted to give Miranda a surprise. You must've missed him"
"Oh"

Want to see flowers, my foot. Miranda wanted me to confess to him didn't she? I said no and she does this. Well I have to hand it to her. I didn't suspect a thing. I trust that girl too much

"Wanna walk together. It's full moon tomorrow, so the moon is pretty big today as well"

"Yeah"
I'm hopeless. How the hell am I supposed to say no when he asks me with that voice. Not to forget that face..

"Mel, you nervous about tomorrow"
"Not very much, no. I'm not competing to be a trusted. Maybe that's why"

He gives me a look that says we'll see.
Before I can rebut what he said,
"You and Miranda seem to have gotten closer"

My eyes soften as I think about that child...
Should I try?
The guilt I feel might me because of him. Then this way, can't I do it by staying by his side?

But, What if this changes our friendship though. I don't wanna loose what we have now for something that may not work.
Or what if he accepts and we go our own ways in the future. Can we still remain friends?
But more importantly what if I hurt him more. He said he doesn't even want to be close at first...

A stone hits my head. Callum didn't notice. I turn around to see Miranda glaring at me.  Confess she says with her eyes. I ignore her.

"What's wrong gutsy" he asks teasingly

I make my decision and take a deep breath

"Callum
Every night I wake up from my nightmare gasping and out of breath. Scared out of my wits yet not remembering a thing.

I want to remember Callum
Remember, why I feel emotions of which I can't begin to understand the intensity of.
Why I feel pain like I'd rather die than feel
Why I feel guilt like I'd live just to atone for what I did"

He remained quite as I said all this but I could feel him breaking. Like every word I'm saying is lashing his already weak heart with a flaming whip.

Should I not go on?But I can't stop after saying this much...

"But in the two years I've lived and after I met you, right now among those three, there's just one I want to do"
"The last one."

He looked at me with such a pained expression like I just gutted him.

"That's why I got closer to you. But day by day I fell more in love with you.
I Loved
how you always thought about me.
how you treated me like I was a precious diamond even if I was just, a broken low grade one.
how you protected me.
how you encouraged me."

I gently take his hands in mine and say

"I love you Callum. Please let me stay by your side so we can heal our past wounds together. Please let me atone for what my past self did to you even if I don't remember."
I look at him to try and show him that he's important and that I really love him with my gestures

"Please let me love you enough for you to trust in me again. Trust me to be your other half. Trust me to be different than from the past.
Change me and love me Callum. Please..."I whisper softly.

Can one's eyes be cold yet in sooo much pain and yearning at once? Because that's what I see when I look into his eyes.

"Melody.....You can't do this..."
Am I going to be rejected?
Please.  Please no.  I'll do anything...

"Callum,"

"Just listen" and I swear I never heard him sound so harsh.

"You love someone else more than you love me."

"Wwwhat?"
That's not possible. It just isn't.
But the moment he said that, a small part of me agreed with him.

"And not just love. Devotion, respect , obsession you name it. You would've done anything for him. Others do it because of obligation. You did it because....." he stopped himself with an expression that he had said too much.

"I am saying this only once melody. Don't love anyone else. Ever. Because no matter how much you love them they'll never be first in your heart.

And you know what's the worst part. He doesn't feel that way about you. Not even a little bit. You are a pawn to him. And you. You would die for him."

"I don't want to enter into that toxic relationship with you ever again. And I hope no one else will take my place either. They would deserve better than the scraps you would give them."

After saying this he just walked away. Not a single tear drop fell from my eyes as I saw him do it. It's like my body knew if not my heart that maybe I don't deserve to shed tears after what I did.

Did I really?
Did I really cheat on him?
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