dear alex

the friendship conflict

I don't exactly know how I was dragged into someone else's business. I always kept to myself, didn't like gossiping about my friends behind their back and somehow, I was still involved.

My friend group had a huge argument and they thought I was involved, when in reality, I wasn't. I was confused and angry and overwhelmed over something I had no idea about. They had isolated me for a few days when I finally realised something was wrong. I had begged and begged for forgiveness for something I didn't do. It had came to a point where I started bed rotting again. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't go to class. I had to visit the doctors for medication and going to the library was my only way of seeking peace throughout the week.

Safe to say, I had no time to think about Alex.

Eventually, I clarified the misunderstanding before my birthday that weekend. My friends were still fighting but I thought it wouldn't matter anymore if I could be on good terms with everyone. Or so I thought.

___________________________________

Alex,

I find that writing letters that never reach you is, in a way, therapeutic. Thank you for being an unknowing listener. I saw you at the library four days ago. You were walking to the stairs while I was annotating my current read. Did you know that I skipped class that day because I was depressed? There was a conflict within my friend group and I was the middleman. I felt hopeless and low for days. To find comfort, I went to the library after visiting the doctors and at the sight of you, I'm thankful I did. You heal me in unexplainable ways.

Yesterday, you walked behind me to class. Did you notice me? I didn't even realise until I turned before crossing the road. Could you hear my heartbeat from where you were? Anyway, I fixed my relationship with my friends today and I'm thankful for it. But I think I now really do enjoy the comfort solitude gives me. These silent trips to the library, the walk back to my dorm, the warmth of my own quiet room. I feel like I'm starting to understand you more from it. I'm starting to embrace loneliness like a friend. I wish I could talk about this with you.

Signed.

P/S: All of our encounters were coincidental, I swear. I'm scared you'd think I'm stalking you.