butterflies // rubberdoop - razzaross

/tres tria

/Ross

trigger warning !! suicide attempt !! trigger warning

He couldn't sleep after that. It was like someone was telling him he was going to die one of these days. He couldn't trust anyone, or anything anymore. He didn't want to leave bed; he wanted to just die in it and hope that no one would care. He knew deep down someone would care, though, and he hated how he would always downtalk himself and hate his guts.

He heard a few knocks on the door, all of which were of different tones. Soft, loud, and a bang. He probably thought it was just dumb kids playing pranks on him again, but as he glanced through the window he saw Arin and Suzy yapping away and laughing. Laughing at him he presumed. He got up though, knowing there's probably a third party member and opened the door sleepily. His eyes brightened up at the sight of Barry keeping his head turned towards Suzy and Arin. "Uh, I'm over here?" He asked, a little shaky on how he worded it.

"Oh! Ross, how you feeling bud?" Barry smiled at him, and somehow Ross just melted and tried to stand his ground. "Oh, um, well...okay? I guess you would say.." Suzy looked at Barry and Barry shrugged back. "Anyways, what brings-" His voice cracked loudly, making him blush in embarrassment. "God damnit Ross.." Arin chuckled out, and Suzy made a soft giggle at the noise. Barry just stood, waiting for a good time to tell him something.

"Well, I would've come here alone if Arin and Suzy weren't sleeping in the Grump office!" Barry growled at them, causing both to laugh loudly. "I need to talk to you and they need to go home." Arin and Suzy stopped laughing and waved goodbye, Arin mumbling something to Barry and nudging his side.

"What was that about..?" He asked softly, moving out of the way to let Barry in.

"Stuff, nothing important.."

"If you're not going to tell me then why be here?" He spat, hissing in anger. Barry turned to him and was going to say something, but didn't. "Yeah, sure, get out." He added on, turning away to go and sleep forever, he hoped.

"I'm not leaving until you learn to control your emotions." Barry folded his arms and didn't move. His eyes stared at Ross, who felt them pierce and burn into his skull.

"I'm going to ignore you until you leave, how does that sound?" He retaliated, hiding under the covers and feeling sad instead of angry. He just told off this person who just wants to help him. He's pushing them away, and soon he's going to have no one if they just keep leaving him to just fend for himself.

"Okay, you don't need me then..I'll just go.." His tone of voice dropped to sadness, which caused Ross to softly cry. He knew he needed to tell him to come back, but he didn't want to. His mouth couldn't make a sound even if it tried. Once the door closed, he sat in silence for a while, just staring at the wall and not moving. Tears kept rolling down his face as he just stared and stared, thoughtless.

Then it hit him like a train.

He got up and headed towards the bathroom, gripping the sides of the sink and staring up at himself in the mirror. Even he could tell anybody who looked at him thought he was the most depressing person in the world. His vision blurred slowly as he opened the cabinet and grabbed pills. Advil and Acetaminophen would do the trick for him. He opened both up and grabbed water, then realizing he should leave a death note-er, text-to the Grumps.

He realized this is what the dream might have meant to him; that he would end up DEAD if he tried this. He was confused about it now; did he want to die or not? He shrugged it off and kept typing. It was starting to get hot in the bathroom for Ross, even though the air conditioning was on. He got dizzy, stumbling and trying to stand his ground as best as he could. Soon his legs collapsed on him and he fell, shaking and struggling to get up.

Now he realized he lost all his typing, but it was because it sent. He wasn't done with it, but he didn't care anymore. He wasn't planning on doing it anyways. Hanging would've been better, he thought, but that just means someone's bound to find me. He heard the door open and he hoped to God it wasn't a robber. To his wish, Barry came zooming in and sat right next to him while he was on the floor.

"Ross, are you okay? Did you take any? I swear if you did I'm sending you to the hospital fast-" He sat up, shaking and soon leaning against Barry. "I a-almost did, it's so hot and I can't bear losing you guys.." He gripped Barry's shirt, crying and shaking, soon cuddling up to Barry.

"Ross, why would you think about-" Before he could finish, Arin stood by the door with Suzy behind. Suzy's face dropped as soon as she saw the set up, and almost cried. Daniel soom came up, and gulped down something Ross would call guilt.

"Am...I..the cause?" Daniel managed to speak, his head down, causing tension in the air.

"No, no not at all.." Ross mumbled, a little tired and lazy to get up. He kind of wanted to just stay like this with Barry and feel..safe.

"Hey, well, we're gonna leave you guys be.." Arin mumbled, minding the condition of Suzy who was traumatized.

"Yeah, sure, go.." He hissed, nuzzling up close next to Barry. As he stared into his shirt, he felt movement from Barry, as if exchanging words without noise.

Silence without smiles

hi
im back
updating
ty all for loving this ??? omg,,,,,,
bye