butterflies // rubberdoop - razzaross

/quattuor

/Ross

He woke up in bed, head hazy and vision blurry. He looked next to him and saw the same old empty spot in his bed. A note gently sat on the pillow, and the handwriting looked a little like chicken scratch, but very legible. He didn't bother to read the actual note, but the signed name. 'With oodles of love, Barry Kramer.' He smiled, opening his drawer and slipping it under a passport that...she made. Now he flinched whenever he saw or thought of Holly. Like her name was poison and he would cry out for her to stop making him hurt. Hell, he knew he would never get better if he kept pondering about Holly. As if 'getting better' was a thing Ross could do. As always, he sulked out of bed and rubbed his eyes. Wanting to get back into bed like a teenager who dreads school, he dragged his feet along the carpet, his pajama pants just barely clinging to his hips. Wait, wasn't he in jeans yesterday? Barry was holding him, right? He had to have been in jeans and his steam train shirt. He looked at his shirt and almost screamed in confusion but also joy. The shirt was one of Barry's old ones, and he went to smell it. The smell was sweet-just like Barry. He then thought that maybe Barry had stripped his jeans and shirt, but kept his boxers on. A little embarrassed, he shrugged it off and made his way to the kitchen. A room door had been closed ever since Holly vanished, and it probably was because that was where her bird friends lived. They all died before she did, which was kinda nice for Ross. Instead of going to the kitchen, he reached for the door.

Pushing it open, he found many things he probably wasn't supposed to see. The cages were empty, and it reminded Ross that will never get better. Ever. How empty his heart will be, and how no one will fill the gap Holly left. Why was it that everyday all he thought about was Holly? Holly this, Holly that, it was as if she had invaded his mind and wouldn't let him think outside of his mind. How the flashbacks of her being in the hospital rushed like a train. How he got so steamed up at the person who had crashed into her. He slammed the door shut and banged his fists against it, letting out a couple tears and feeling weak. Why wouldn't he feel weak? No one else would ever love him, and no one will ever keep him happy again. As he straightened out his back, he felt his eyes burn and his vision blurred. Looking away from the floor, he looked at the kitchen table and saw the blank counter which would he filled with food and crumbs. Orange juice poured in glasses and stains that would take hours to get rid off every day.

Ross grabbed his phone and hesitated before tapping Barry's contact name and calling him. Two rings and he heard the voice that made him feel butterflies. "Hello?" Ross almost hung up, but he managed to mumble out words that were on the tip of his tongue. "I need you." Stupid, he thought, now he thinks I like him. He heard the shuffle and keys jingle, and he felt a smile spread across his stupid face. "Give me 10 minutes, alright?" Ross let out a soft 'mhm' and hung up, letting out a sigh of love. He realized that he has Barry to fill the hole and make him happy. How he had dreams of Barry and him being together. And the one time he had a fantasy about them together. He shook his head and placed himself on the couch with a water in hand. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was almost the afternoon, and that he hadn't eaten in two days straight. He was surprised he never had a craving for food, until he suddenly thought about food. Any kind of food you said and he'd drool over it. He turned to his door and sat silently.

Ten minutes later, he heard the doorbell ring and in an instant he was greeted with Barry holding a box of pizza with a 6-pack of soda and movies stacked. "I made it." Ross smiled, a genuine smile, and helped him carry stuff in. "You spoil me.." He laughed, sitting Indian style next to Barry and looking through the selection of movies. Starting with the Jurassic Park trilogy, because they never saw Jurassic World, Ross snuggled up close against Barry. Barry swung an arm around Ross, and they shared a pizza together. It made him forget why he was so sad over Holly. He had Barry there for him, and whenever he called he'd see Barry's shining face through the darkness of the shadows. Hours passed, and they began to hold hands. Ross pulled a blanket over himself, and Barry wrapped it around them both. "Hey Barry.." Ross spoke low, but loud enough for Barry to hear. His eyes were now stuck staring at the opposing man, and he smiled. "Do you..um..hm..Do you maybe..l-like.." He kept stuttering, confused about what to say. He shook his head and moved away from Barry, mumbling lowly, "Nevermind."

Barry's sad look almost broke Ross into pieces again.