Willing to be Hurt

Part 2 Ch 13

Dylan was smiling while he waited for Charles, drumming his fingers on the starring wheel. The Blood pressure medication he had been taking was making him light headed so Madeline quickly set up a new appointment. Charles complained about it, but agreed to go back for her.

He had not talked to Bianca sense they texted two days prior. He hoped the phone would buzz. Replying to a text was easy, initiating a text was a whole other thing. What if she did not want him to message him, what if she only had done it out of obligation.

Dylan had been quite confident once, when it came to Bianca. It was clear the effect he had on her as a teen. Writing to her in class always made her blush in an adorable way. She would look his way and smile. Or try and always walk near him. And after they had kissed once, she had constantly offered him kisses no matter where they were.

Somewhere along the way that confidence had been rattled when it came to her. It had only take one conversation though, for life to feel brighter, his workout seemed easier, work had passed more smoothly, he even bantered with the customers more easily. He was living off a Bianca interaction like a drug addict, waiting for that next hit.

"What am I doing..." He put his head on the staring wheel as the door shut next to him. He had not even noticed.

"Whining are you?" Charles winced as he settled next to him.

"Back acting up?" He asked.

"Don't worry about me boy...Whats wrong, don't sit there all day, out with it." Dylan pulled the car out and began driving.

"Ah, just remembering I used to be a lot more confident.."

"Could have fooled me, running around like you know everything.." He smiled.

"Oh I used to be worse. Insufferable.."

"Aye, well sometimes we lose what gave us confidence. It's not about finding your confidence always, it's about finding your catalyst. The one who ignites your confidence."

"Did Madeline do that for you?"

"Oh no.I was racked with confidence, a real jerk. It was Madeline who made me a personable man."

"Personable...you...." He nodded, "Wow...glad I didn't meet you before hand.."

"Well, I was not always the happiest. she made me happy..She is my Catalyst..you just need to find yours."

"What if mine makes me less confident?" he mused allowed.

"The good ones tend to do such things. Make us second guess ourselves." Charles spoke softly, sounding whimsical. "They shake your confidence. Once your smarten up and realize you don't deserve them. Then you stop complaining and better yourself for them." He shook his head as Charles reverted back to himself.

He had always thought Bianca was beautiful. Her over-sized sweaters, with her brown curly hair falling free. The way she often looked down as she smiled when he spoke to her. It wasn't until she started trying to make his shitty apartment nice that he really realized how much he cared about her. And then she was gone and it was like the brightness had been taken from his day - life had become muted colors.

Bianca wasn't scary. He knew that, she was sweet, and loving. And now she was a famous agent. To one of the biggest up-incoming rock bands. Maybe it wasn't lack of confidence. Maybe it was embarrassment. He had liked her as a teen and five years had gone by and he felt the same. He sighed as he was over-thinking it all, And Charles laughed. He needed someone better than personable Charles to talk to about it. He wasn't dumb enough to speak to Sarah about it.