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☼ ☾ ✩
𝟐𝟏... 𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠
☼ ☾ ✩
There is a bite to the air that is only ever present under the night sky, and goosebumps rise along my skin in retaliation of the cold breeze. The moon is a hazy half circle above me, and a few stars are visible despite the high light pollution of Los Angeles. The world is completely still, and I almost feel like an intruder, sitting alone at the top of the play structure in my backyard. The only noise I can hear is the sound of my own breath and the occasional chirp of a cricket. It's strange to be somewhere without noise since I am constantly surrounded by chaos, but tonight, I am alone. Well, mostly alone.
"Hi, mom. Hi, dad." My quiet whisper breaks the silence. My eyes are trained on a random star above, and I silently pray that my parents can hear me from wherever they are. "I feel like I'm screwing everything up. Cam and Kaya seem to wish that I would rot in hell, Vienna's mental health is worse than I thought it was, and I think Mason is hiding something from me." My voice cracks, and I hastily wipe a lone tear from the corner of my eye. "I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm not capable of raising them, but I've also been raising them ever since you died. Uncle Brandon was the guardian on paper, but I was the one who was always there for them. But what if I'm screwing everything up? Am I doing a bad job? Should I quit YouTube? Am I being selfish?"
I suck in a sharp breath and rub my eyes to try to lessen the building pressure. "I just wish you could tell me what to do. It would be so much easier if you guys were here."
The breeze picks up slightly and pushes my hair away from my face, revealing my phone sitting on the wooden slats of the play structure beside me. As soon as my gaze catches on it, the screen lights up with a notification. More specifically, an instagram notification that Matthew Sturniolo has sent me a reel.
I scoff in disbelief and look back at my chosen star. "Are you serious? Is that your way of telling me to confide in Matt?"
My phone buzzes beside me with another notification and I glance at the screen to see it's a quote from my motivation app.
"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make."
"What the hell?" I look back up at the star in both awe and disbelief. "You guys have got to be joking."
A stronger gust of wind blasts me in the face and I sputter in surprise. "Holy fuck, okay, I get it!" I send a final look up at the star and whisper a solemn thank you before I pick up my phone.
It only takes a few seconds for Matt to pick up the call, and despite it being after three in the morning, his voice is alert. "Just so you know, I'm not really into the whole booty call thing. I'm more of a commitment type of guy."
