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☼ ☾ ✩
𝟑𝟐... 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬?
☼ ☾ ✩
Monday, the day of the home inspection and my siblings' interviews comes and goes like a wave rolling right by. The whole day is a hazy memory, and even when I was living through it, it felt like a dream. My memory is broken up into bits and fragments. I remember the smell of cologne when the home inspector arrived. I can still feel the soft hair on the back of Chandler's neck when I held him back from jumping to say hello to Jakob. I recall standing idly by in the living room while Mr. Inspector explored the house, and I vaguely remember some of the things I said during my interview.
After the two men left with a promise to let us know the court date within the next twelve hours, I very quickly went back to bed, but not before Kaya practically force-fed me dinner and Cam fireman carried me upstairs and plopped me under the ice cold shower head to get me to wake up enough to take a shower.
I hear Vienna quietly ask Cam if I'm sick, and when Mason tells her that I'm not unhealthy, just sad, I start crying again. I feel sick to my stomach as Kaya leads me by the hand back to my room after I finish showering, and I avoid looking at myself in the mirror as Kaya hugs me goodnight and leaves me alone to go to sleep. After my parents died, my anxiety got really bad and I struggled with depression, but after a lot of therapy, I got better, and I haven't dealt with anything like that since. Being like this now, unable to pull myself out of it, makes me feel like I'm covered with a thick coat of shame. I'm embarrassed about the way I'm acting, but I also don't give a shit. I want to be there for my siblings, but the dark cloud hanging over my head makes it feel impossible to do anything but sleep.
And so that's what I do.
☼ ☾ ✩
When I am shaken awake at an ungodly hour of the morning, the first thing I register is the smell of pine and soap.
"Matt?" I mumble sleepily with my eyes still closed.
"I'm here, Sunshine." Matt's voice breaks the silence of my bedroom, and his gentle hand rests on the side of my face as he smooths his thumb over my cheekbone.
I blink my eyes open to see Matt's silhouette hovering above me, and for the first time in over a week, my body is flooded with adrenaline. I sit up like a rocket, my blankets falling to my waist as I gape at Matt through the dim lighting of my room. "What are you doing here? What day is it?"
"It's Friday. Court day," Matt says softly, his smile warm in the early morning chill of my room.
"I haven't seen you in over a week." My words waver as a rush of guilt washes over me.
