Heart of the Ocean | Pirate!ATEEZ x reader

11: Bargains and Memories

Your feet carried you faster than ever before.

Paying no mind to the ever-so-burning feeling in your throat from the frequent shallow breaths you took, you tried to ease your mind as you ran through the streets of Aequor. You did not know where to go, let alone where Mingi and Hongjoong were. For all you knew, they could've been dead by now, and the possibility of San following the same fate wasn't that unlikely as well, much to your dismay. Perhaps you had grown to dislike the brute man, and most likely he felt the same way, but you didn't want him to die. Especially not in your name.

It was among the many risks you took when you had accepted Hongjoong's proposal. The prospect of the crew members giving their lives to save yours. You had a great disdain to the idea of people sacrificing themselves in your place. Not that you had ever been on such an occasion before, but it still made you uneasy. It felt undeserving of you to live, knowing that others had to give up the thing most precious to them. Such a situation felt more like unwantedly taking their life away from them, and it moreover felt like it wasn't in your power to do so. Regardless if it were to be their decision, you did not want it to fall into your hands. Promises may be broken at that, but if it meant that your conscience would stay clear, then you would be content.

And yet, here you were. That San decided to stay behind to ensure your safe escape wasn't the first time you were countered by someone promising the safety of your life in exchange for theirs. Seonghwa's promise still lingered around in your mind ever since he had spoken of it. I will make sure to keep you safe, even if it means giving up my life for it. You have my word. A warm promise. An ode of protection. A death warrant. Your life had been filled with dangers as of lately. Everywhere you went, trouble would follow in whichever form it pleased. It was an unsettling feeling that trailed behind you whenever you thought of his words, for you feared that in one way or another, his promise would be somehow fulfilled.

Though now, you'd fear to see it fulfilled by the hands of the others. San, Hongjoong and Mingi; cursed to unknowingly become victims by your grim destiny. It seemed like life was laughing right at your face, mocking every fibre of you while you sat there, desperately hoping that things could go different; that your fears wouldn't become realities. But nothing would come to ease. The words had already been written down, and the book was threatening to close. Their fates could have already been decided while you ran further away from everything, and you would be the cause of their demise.

His screams rang through the fields while you were carried away. The sounds of his wails and cries would never leave your mind, it seemed. His eyes, the sweet glint he once had in them, now dull and broken, all by the raise of one hand and the poor decisions you made. You were rotten, and as much as you wanted to hide it, the cracks would always come to show.

Hot tears pricked your eyes. You did not know whether your breathing became heavier because of the running or the pain of the memories. Years of sessions performed by the Elders would have no effect on you, for those memories tainted you like scars. There was no way of getting rid of them, and no matter how hard you tried, they seemed to come back stronger the longer you stayed.

As your tears fell, you eventually stopped running, halting right in the middle of a street. There was no way of saying where you were. All you knew was that you had run enough of a distance for the masked figures to lose track of you.

People diverted around you, some of them giving sour glances. You could hear their scoffs as they passed but paid no mind to them. You were too much in a haze to care. Everything that had happened finally sunk in, and with the reappearing image of the memories that haunted you, you broke. The air felt cold, despite it being around summer season. It hurt to breathe, but it hurt even more to stay still. If you did, you could feel the blame for everything falling too hard upon your shoulders. Not just the blame of the memories, but of everything that had happened as well. If you had never met Hongjoong and his crew, they would never have had to go through all this misery.