All I need is my irish girl 🍀

✫away from her✫

Heavy CW/TW for the next chapter.
Heavy physical and slight verbal abuse (strong language, usage of homophobic terms). From a parental figure!
Also, mentions of bruises, scratches, no eating and signs of depression.
And religious guilt.
Please take this warning seriously!
Don't read if you're not comfortable with that.!!!!

My father instantly picked me up after I had to tell her to leave me alone. I am still crying heavily. I didn't want to hurt her but seeing her pained face was too much, I know I broke her heart. And mine too.
Yes, I, Clodagh Raven am in love with a woman.
My father looks at me as we enter the church. "You got yourself into this, hanging around with that faggot! You sinned and you will pray for gods forgiveness now!" He pushes me in the church, and pulls me up to the altar.
"You better hope god will forgive your dirty fantasies!"
I am still crying badly, after getting in the car with him, he slapped me right across the face.

I kneel infront of the altar, my hands folded and my face looking down. I start mumbleing my prayer and loudly ask for gods forgiveness, so that my father can hear me. Tears still falling down my red cheek.
I quietly end my prayers "if this is not the right path... please lead me back. And if this is... please give me a sign..." I take a deep breath, my voice louder again "Amen!"
In just that moment the door flies shut. Is this the sign I asked for? Is that god telling me, that he has no problem with me loving Sorscha?
My father pulls me up by my already bruised wrist and we exit the church again. The drive home was deadly quiet.

As I see our drive way approaching I also see an angry red head at the other side of the road. She is walking towards her house. It must've had rained, the streets are wet and so is she. Just one tiny spot isn't wet. Did she sit there the entire time? Did she wait for me?
My father has a wide smirk on his face as he pushes me inside our house. "You really disgust me, Clodagh. The simple thought of it is gross. I really hope god can still safe you." Smack, yet again his hand meets my cheek and I look down at my feet, not showing any weakness.
"Up to your room. I don't even want to see you again today!"

I storm up the stairs, and let my tears fall freely the second I close my door. I slide down on it and burry my head in my hands.
This is wrong. I don't love women. Especially not Sorscha. It is not right. It is not what god wanted.
I take my school bag and rip apart my drawing of Sorscha. I can't bear seeing her perfect smile. I also block the number I saved. Looking at her profile picture one last time.
She is smiling in it. And holds up a kitten, which is a little ginger cat.
It pains my heart, but I know this is right. Two women are not supposed to fall in love. So I will not love a woman!

I still sit at the same spot, my crying has stopped by now. It is already dark outside.
I hear my mama coming home but she doesn't seem to care too much where I am, which is strange. She always cared.
I am still shaking very much, wanting to never go to school ever again. I can't look at her. Loving her is not right.
I hear footsteps, I lost the track of time, could be 10pm, could be 2:30am, I honestly don't care. Someone knocks on the door, I know it is my mama. "My little cloud, are you alright? You didn't even have dinner with us?"
My father obviously didn't tell her what he did and told her, it is my fault.

"I am not hungry." I answer loudly, it wasn't even a lie. "But Clodagh... you need to eat something.. I've made your favourite, Dublin Coddle." My heart was aching and my appetite is gone. "I don't care. I don't even like that anymore, go away and leave me alone!" I could feel she is shocked but I needed to be alone. She respected that and left.
A few seconds later I feel my door open forcefully. I am thrown away and hold my arm in pain.
My father stands infront of me "Don't you dare speak to yout mother like that! You ungreatful kid. We didn't raise you like that." And three more slaps land on my cheek. He stands over me and looks down.

It went on for another 30 minutes until he finally let go of me.
I am now lying on the floor and crying my eyes out. My nose is bleeding and I have a huge bruise on my left cheek.
My mother quickly looks in my room but passes it even quicker.
I couldn't close my door anymore, he took it with him.
I drag myself to the bed and keep on crying the whole night, my eyes now red and puffy. As I hear my alarm going of. I get up and stand infront of my mirror. "Clodagh Raven, you are such a pathetic excuse of a humam being." I try to cover up my cheeks and my red puffy eyes. It kinda works.

I get into the school building quickly. Making no eyecontact with anyone. I notice Jenny, Cathy and Toby standing there. And Sorscha was standing in between them. She avoids my gaze aswell.
I sit down and turn away to look out of the window. The others step in aswell.
"Clodagh?" the teacher calls me "Y...yes....?" "Could you please take a seat right next to me?" I don't look up and just grab my stuff walking up to the single desk infront of the class.
I feel peoples gazes on me. And I wish I could just disappear.
"But Miss Tylor, she was fine sitting here." I hear Sorscha say. It wasn't her wanting me to move seats? But who was it?? "She's fine here."

Ms Tylor continues her teaching and I look down the entire time.
During the break I get into the bathroom. Sorscha comes in right behind me. No! No go away!
But I don't stop her. I just try to fix up my face again.
"Clodagh..." No. Don't talk to me.
She steps up closer, her eyes never leaving mine. "Who did that to you?"
I look at her, disbelieve in my eyes.
"What do you mean...?"
"Your bruises. Your arms are full of scratches..."
I try to stay strong. I try to ignore her words. But I fail. I run into her arms and break down crying. A reaction she didn't expect.
But she wraps her arms around me. Giving me a chance to cry.

A/N
Heartbreaking chapter for you, I hope you're okay now, I am not 🫡
theLesbianBean