His Arranged Bride

Chapter 15

Nitya

It is late in the afternoon when I walk out of Sudha Kaki's house.

I had been wanting to meet her since Maaji told me about her telling Kaki not to return to our house to work anymore.

The guilt of being the reason behind her losing her job had been slowly chewing me from inside, and I knew I needed to meet her and see how she was doing.

That is why, I asked Prathamji's permission this morning to come out of the house in the afternoon.

It was either him I could ask or Maaji. And I knew Maaji would not let me step out of the house until it is to go the market to get the grocery or any other thing related to the house chores.

I was scared to ask for his permission, thinking he would snap at me for bothering him, but thankfully he only nodded and even said that he would drop me to Sudha Kaki's house on his way to the factory.

Surprised, I had told him I would not want to bother him, but he only waved it off, telling its not a big thing as Kaki's house is on the way to the factory.

Prathamji's behavior is toward me is such that I cannot predict it at all. At times he is considerate, caring even, but then, there are other times when he is so cold and ruthless, getting angry and shouting at me if I caused even a slight inconvenience to him.

It has been almost two weeks since he told me not to keep any expectations from him.

Hearing it from him had hurt me too much. So much so that I had felt lost for days after that.

But then, when I calmed my emotions, I began accepting it. I had to. After all, what choice did I have?

Yes, I wanted our marriage to work. Yes, I was ready to try my best to build my relationship with Prathamji. But I am not ready to grovel to him to accept me when he has made it clear that he does not want me in his life. I do not want to keep clinging to the hope that he will someday accept me. That will only sadden me daily when that hope would not come to fruition day after day.

Still, even without the hope, I feel a pinch in my heart whenever I look at him. I feel my eyes well up as I remember those times when he had cared for me. I feel acute pain wash through me as I imagine how happy we would have been if our marriage had been under the normal circumstances and Prathamji had no reservation about accepting me as his wife.

I take a deep breath and blink away the tears, wiping the few that escaped my eyes. It is of no use dwelling on what could have been.

As I take another turn toward the house, I think about the decision I took after talking with Sudha Kaki. I will no longer let Maaji and Chachiji keep taunting me and treat me as they wish. I borne it all these days, thinking it would take them some time to accept me. I had thought once they see how dedicated I am to fulfill my responsibilities of being their daughter-in-law, they will finally accept me as the member of their family.

But now, I have realized that will never happen. The only thing my silence to their mistreatment will do is encourage them to taunt me more every day, perhaps until I completely break.

The conversation I just had with Kaki replays in my mind.

"Nitya," she begins softly, her eyes filled with concern and understanding. "Apni chuppi ko apni kamjori mat banne dena. Maryada mein rehna jaruri hota hai, par waqt aane pe aawaz uthana usse bhi jyaad jaruri ho jata hai."

("Don't let your silence be your weakness. It's important to stay within your limits, but when time comes, it becomes more important to raise your voice.")