Back on tour - part 2 (final)

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The tour was great fun for Taylor but as expected, it was taxing. She was so determined that everything needed to be perfect to make up for the previous cancellations that she was putting a lot of pressure on herself.

Everyone could see it and they tried to keep her in line – making sure she didn't push herself too much or too far.

Taylor became determined to hide the struggle from them all, knowing that they would all be concerned if they knew how dark her thoughts had become again.

Her OCD was constantly controlling her – she felt like if she didn't do the rituals then something would go wrong with the show and she didn't want to challenge them in case she was right so she continued to practice some of the behaviours – counting, cleaning, washing hands over and over – just to try and calm her racing mind.

Tree knew Taylor was struggling but she wasn't sure how far she had gotten – wasn't sure where the line of Taylor's perfectionism stopped and her obsession started. The first sign that she had flipped from wanting everything to be perfect and becoming obsessive was when she demanded specific hand gel backstage for in between sets – when Tree argued she didn't need to clean her hands between every single set, Taylor practically sneered at her – telling her there was no way she was holding a microphone just inches from her mouth with her filthy hands. The redhead then started to become more in tune with the blonde's mental health and was paying more attention to her behaviours – determined to stop her from spiralling.

During the meeting the morning before the show, Tree noticed Taylor was twisting her ring. She tapped the blonde's arm and mouthed you ok?

Taylor smiled softly and nodded, but she didn't stop twisting the ring - 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5

Tree rubbed her arm gently again, glancing between the ring and her face – a silent signal to stop. Taylor sighed, but she knew she had to be careful so she forced herself to stop twisting the ring. As the anxiety built up she started to bounce her leg, desperate to dispel some of this nervous energy.

Tree sighed and made a mental note to schedule Taylor a therapy appointment, she could tell the fatigue was making her worse and she didn't want her to slip totally.

As they headed back towards Taylor's dressing room, Tree grabbed her hand "why are you anxious?"

Taylor looked at her, frowning slightly "I'm not" but the tapping of her fingers against her thigh as she walked gave her away.

Tree shook her head "I can see you are"

Taylor hesitated for a second, turning to face the redhead "I just...I don't know – I am just feeling it a lot more today"

Tree nodded, understanding completely "you're tired"

Taylor nodded, chewing her lip nervously "yeah, I am tired"

Tree pushed on "you've had a long run of shows without a good break"

Taylor hesitated but nodded "yeah, I guess"

Tree took a deep breath – knowing Taylor might not like this "and you haven't had any therapy lately..."

Taylor rolled her eyes "I don't need it!"

Tree smiled softly at her, her eyes kind "Tay – I think you do..."

The blonde shook her head "No, I don't – I just...the adrenaline of the shows means my brain is on all the time again. I just need to learn to switch off"

Tree squeezed her hand gently but firmly "I think it would help if you had a session. Yes you're tired and yes you're running on adrenaline but you're also tipping back into anxiety and that anxiety is coming out in some behaviours again – let's get on top of it before it becomes a thing..."

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