Taylor's OCD had worsened again now tour had ended. She had a lot more time spare which was great at first – she rested and recovered but then eventually her mind began to try and fill the time. She couldn't let herself rest any more – truly believing that something bad would happen if she stopped. On the odd occasion when she did manage to allow herself some down time she found her thoughts would just spiral – the intrusive thoughts had become so loud again.
In her head, she couldn't allow herself to rest unless everything was absolutely perfect. She had created a schedule – making sure everything was accounted for and hoping that it would help seeing everything written down so she could tick it off as she went.
Instead though, it became a tool to beat herself up with. Everything in her house was spotless, but still – she found ways to add to the list, often repeating the tasks on there to try and quieten the panicked feeling.
Another thing that had come back with a vengeance was her rituals of checking everything.
The same as when she struggled last time, she continually, compulsively checked the oven, the door, the lights – anything that she could think of that could possibly cause any harm.
One of her biggest things was checking her bag before she left to go anywhere, she would make sure she had money, her keys, her phone etc. As soon as she had finished checking the bag, she would pick it back up and go through the ritual again – trying to claim her brain down.
Sometimes, the night before going somewhere she would make lists then cross check them, repeating this over and over again.
Taylor had a few interviews coming up so Tree was coming over to prep her. As the redhead arrived, she noticed that everything was too tidy. She made a mental note to keep an eye on the blonde.
Taylor made them a coffee, doubling checking the machine was turned off when she finished. As she sat down, her eyes glanced over to the coffee machine, trying to see if the light was still off. Tree noticed her anxiety and sighed "what's wrong?!"
Taylor shook her head "nothing..." Tree pushed her again "are you doing ok?"
Taylor gave her a tight smile "of course..."
Tree nodded "ok – let's run through the day then..."
Taylor tried to listen, to take it all in. Once Tree had finished talking, Taylor took a deep breath "so in summary – you are coming over at 8, we are going to arrive for 9. I am in interviews 9.30-3 and then we will come back?"
Tree nodded and Taylor instantly wrote it down. Then she pulled out her phone, pulling up the notes app before typing it away quickly in there, finally she pulled up her calendar and added the timings there.
Tree frowned "you really need it in 3 places?"
Taylor looked up at her sheepishly "I forget things..."
Tree rolled her eyes "you never forget anything!"
Taylor just shrugged – unsure what to say.
Tree decided to press her again "are you eating?"
Taylor scoffed "of course!"
Tree narrowed her eyes at her "what about sleeping?"
Taylor looked down "yep!"
Tree sighed softly "then what is going on?"
Taylor glared at her "nothing! I am fine, not every bad day means something is wrong..."
Tree realised she wasn't going to get any answers today from Taylor so she just nodded, giving a soft smile "OK..."
A little while later, Taylor smiled "let's go through to the living room..."
