With a Pull of a Trigger

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Sins and Secrets

Lisbon, Portugal

Lisbon was a city of vintage beauty.

That was what Reini thought as she walked on cobblestone streets, the hem of her clean white gown swishing against her ankles. She was wearing an ankle-length gown and pair of white designer heels. To accentuate her cleavage, the edges of the chest part of the gown had been bejeweled tastefully. Her hair was in a loose bun, and her make-up made her look divine.

Samuel walked beside her, the very picture of calm. Reini knew better than to believe the man Samuel was trying to portray, though. He was nervous, that much was obvious, if the way he constantly wiped his suddenly clammy hands against his expensive suit was any indication.

“Hey,” said Reini, glancing at Samuel. Samuel looked at her, his eyebrows raised in a silent question. “You’ll be fine,” assured Reini.

Samuel sighed. “I hope so.”

Reini marveled at how twisted their situation was. At times, Samuel was friendly, as if all the things that had happened between now and Reini’s supposed death hadn’t happened. It made her wonder, at times, how they couldn’t stand to be in the same room as the other, yet wanting to be close to the other as much as possible.

Or was that only her?

She felt as if everything was falling apart. The Alliance was on the verge of ending the long-term hatred between The Alliance and CIA. Though she feared for her life before, everything had been multiplied. The stakes were raised, and Reini found herself worrying not just about her life, but of her friends, both the old and the new.

Samuel was another puzzle she wanted—no, needed—to solve, and he wasn’t making it any easier. She had solved the first puzzle, the puzzle concerning what happened before her time. The puzzle of Catherine, the puzzle of Gil, and the puzzle of Everett were only the beginning, she knew, but she couldn’t help but feel sorry for herself. It seemed that with every puzzle she solved, a new one would appear. She was sick and tired of everything she had to do, of every game she had to play, of every lie she had to say, of every secret she had to keep. She was tired of constantly fearing for her life, of constantly trying to remain three steps ahead from the enemy, of constantly covering her tracks. She felt as if she had enough.

It was tiring, how her job and the consequences that came with it seemed to always tear apart beloved relationships. It had, after all, torn apart Gil and Catherine’s, not to mention Amrie and Aldrin’s. What’s to say that it won’t tear apart her and Samuel’s too?

That was, if they still had a relationship.

Reini was confused, really. She didn’t know if Samuel and she were anything. She didn’t know how to act around him, didn’t know how to act without him. She was tired of walking on eggshells around Samuel. Truth be told, she just wanted everything to go back. Go back to the time when nothing had been complicated.

The secrets she had to keep were taking up space. It was getting harder and harder to stop thinking about them and how people would react were she to tell. It was getting harder and harder to pretend, to hide behind masks, to continue living alibis. The job was finally taking its toll on her, and she wondered if she would break like the others.

The job broke Aldrin and Reini knew she wouldn’t want to be like him.

Was it possible to hate something yet love something at the same time?

It seemed so. After all, Reini was her job. She hated it with all her passion, yet loved it with all her heart. Despite the many secrets she had to keep and the alibis she had to portray, she loved how it made her feel complete. She still doubted it, though. Doubted how she could love something and yet hate it at the same time, doubted how she could feel the extremes of two opposite poles for the same thing.