OBLIVION [Thomesa]

three

She lingered there, watching the sunrise. It was just so alluring, so nightmarish: mythical. Unreal. "Can I ask you something?"

Thomas nodded. "Why are you still with me?"

Thomas felt acid in his stomach. "Why would you ask a question like that?"

"I know I did a lot of mistakes ... But still, I want you to know that you're the most unexpected thing that's ever happened to me. Nothing can change that."

"Please, just don't." Thomas knew what this was: those painful breakups you could never get over for days, weeks, months, maybe even forever. "Why?"

"Because . . . When we're together, nothing good ever happens. Maybe you have mistaken me for gratitude. Wouldn't it be possible that we're together because society forced us?

"I need to talk to you. About me, about us. I guess it's time I say this."
She raised her hands as if to say ward off her next words. "Before you say anything, I wanted to apologize to you."

Her words made his heart rattle inside his chest as if he swallowed a mouth of caffeine. "I'm sorry. For everything," she gestured her hands.
"You keep on making me feel like I couldn't have what I wanted from you, and I kept pushing at you, and not listening to anyone at all. I just wanted you and I didn't care what anyone else had to say about it. Not even Teresa."

"Brenda -" He started but she interrupted him.  "No. Let me finish," She was staring down at the floor as if they held the secrets of the universe. "I have to say it now – or I won't." Her words tumbled out in a rush.

"I thought I'd lost my bestfriend. I was so selfish. I–I was crazy in loss, and I took it out on the others, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for blaming you."

She raised her eyes at him and he was suddenly, strangely reminded of being four years old at the beach, crying when the wind came up and blew the sand castle he made.

His father told her he could make another one if he liked, but it hadn't stopped him from weeping because what he thought was permanent was not permanent after all, but only made out of sand that vanished at the touch of wind and water.

"I want to thank you. Thank you for being patient. I was lost, I was . . . I was just searching for something that matters. I came to think that I couldn't be happy, that the only way for me to get better is to keep on playing and playing. I didn't think it would hurt this much." She glared at him. "Seeing you hurt."

"I was wrong when I thought I'd be fixed. You can't fix me . . . I'm the only one who can do that. You said it yourself: you don't want to be selfish. I do too, I'm not going to selfish. I stole you, and I'm going to bring you back where you'll find true happiness." She said in requital. "In her."

The sun was now rising, it's golden flames reminding her of the moon. She wouldn't drag Thomas along with her. Not anymore.

"I'm done. Trying to get you, I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry if it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise. I'm done making a fool out of myself." She spoke with so much finality that he felt it like a door slamming in his face.

"I want it to be okay, so here's what's gonna happen – I'm gonna enter this place, while you and the other boys drool over my flawlessly fair skin and you're gonna have to look away for a moment but you're gonna laugh a little anyway"–Thomas chuckled–" and then you'll tell me a funny lovestory about the clouds but neither of us are gonna say anything that crosses the line because I'm tired of being in love with you."