rebel ➳ clifford au

➳ 09

09. i'm sorry but i fell in love tonight, could we pretend that we're in love?

• M •

When I got out of my house this morning, the last thing I had in mind was to find her in that beach and give her Jack Daniels for breakfast; the last thing I had in mind was for her to find him and run into my arms so broken hearted and the last thing I wanted to do was comfort her when I needed her, and it wasn't part of my plan to kiss her.

But here we are, body against body, hands tugging on hair and clothing, trying to cling to every single hope that this moment somehow won't end.

Hungry trembling hands are on my neck as I try to keep myself steady; I can't count for how long I had wished for this to happen.

It's wrong, she was still with him; but it feels so right, because right now, she is mine.

She slowly pulls away, her forehead pressed against mine.

"Forget him." I whisper.

She stares at me and hesitates, and that broke my heart. She'd do anything to be with him, and that broke my heart.

She slowly nods, leaning in to be the one to kiss me this time; her eyes shut close and her hands hold me once again.

I don't know what we're doing, I don't know why or how it's going to end, but suddenly I don't care; I'm too busy, too lost in her lips, and I like that sensation, I like how she feels mine, even for this night.

The way her lips and hands tremble show me just how unsure and confused she feels about everything- she looks like she could be afraid of her own shadow. It was so heartbreaking, the way she let things hurt her, and suddenly I hated Boyfriend Star with all that I have, for hurting her like that.

The day I saw her at that gas station stealing those lighters (why would anyone need so many lighters?) I felt some kind of odd attraction; I didn't know what it was- maybe it was the way she clinged into everything she saw or the way she didn't know how to propperly shoplift something as simple as lighters.

Her bambi eyes and her cherry tinted lips told me she wasn't someone ordinary; her frizzy hair was sticking in every side and her shorts didn't go well with her coat; she was someone I wanted to meet from the moment my eyes landed up on her.

But my hopes came crumbling down; she was Boyfriend Star's girlfriend, someone way out of my reach and- for the sake of her, I knew she wouldn't look at me twice. But it was the way she got out of her way and sneaked behind Ashton's back to hang out with me that made me realize maybe she lived up to her name, maybe she was a Rebel and maybe, and contrary to Ashton's beliefs, she didn't belong to him or to anyone. Oh but how I wish she was really mine.

I am a guy of few words and feelings, I don't mess with people, I keep things to myself, and no one, not even my past girlfriend, could change the way I was. But here comes fucking Barbara, and fucks everything up in the most beautiful way possible- she makes me weak and she makes me feel many things that I once didn't want to feel, and it's very scary, to say the least, but it's very thrilling at the same time.

She leans into my shoulder and I can feel her breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry," she whispers as she holds me tighter and breathes in, trying to calm herself down. I don't reply.

She leans forward, pecking my lips gently, the feeling of her mouth softly against mine leaving me with a weird, tingly sensation I hadn't felt in a long time. She takes my hand in hers and we both walk away from that hideous and old wallpaper; my eyes stare into hers as we stumble into the bed, me falling backwards with her falling into me, into my arms.